Procrastineverything

Right before finally buckling down to type this, I was researching Disney villainess costumes on Pinterest. It occupied me for a while, even though I knew I should be writing my daily observation instead. Then, I opened up a new blog post window and all the other excuses flew into my head:

  • I need a cup of tea
  • Maybe I should go to the bathroom first?
  • Time to get ready! What should I wear?
  • Let’s just quickly check what’s on the calendar today
  • Did I get any new emails?
  • Let me just check my budget & update it with new info

And on and on. The only way to actually get myself typing was to sit still, not listen to any of those urges (albeit after the Pinterest ones), minimize all the other browser tabs and start writing about why I was making excuses not to write.

Here’s the thing: I don’t think I’m ever going to get to the point where I consistently show up to do my creative practice without there being some kind of drama. If you subscribe to the Steven Pressfield school of creativity (and I do), then you know there’s no escaping this part of the process. You won’t want to do it, and you’ll make yourself do it anyways, and you’ll live to create another day. 

The danger is when we think that one day it will be easy. When we think that if we just figure ourselves out enough and develop enough of a routine, we’ll never face resistance again. That belief, more than anything, is what crushes us. There’s no avoiding the annoying, arduous process of struggling with your lazy, distractible self in order to get your butt in that chair. As far as I know, that’s all there is. While it might get easier, I don’t expect it to ever become easy for me.

So here I am again, writing about resistance again, adding it up again, not breaking the chain again. Part of me thinks: how many times can I write about the ways I try to trick myself into not writing? And part of me thinks: as many times as is necessary, if that’s what it takes to wring out all the good stuff, too. The showing up is the most important part. 

PS. As soon as you hit “Publish”, all the other excuses no longer seem as fun or urgent. That’s how you know they were excuses.

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