I heard this line on a podcast the other day: “If you find others draining, you’re being inauthentic.” 

I had never heard it put this way before, but it immediately hit home for me. Even though this was a new-agey podcast that addressed the fact that some people are more sensitive than others, the host had experienced this to be true for herself in so many situations, and I would have to agree.

The idea is that with many people, we make assumptions based on how we perceive them, and those assumptions to shape how we feel we have to perform or show up in the situation. And even though it can be so difficult to do so, when we drop those behaviours and simply show up as ourselves, we aren’t left feeling exhausted and drained by being inauthentic and “on”. 

I’m both introverted and highly sensitive to stimuli (HSP), so it’s rare that I don’t leave a social situation feeling drained. Almost always, I get home and need to cocoon alone for a while, even if I was only hanging out with people for a few hours. But this concept really struck a chord in me, because it feels like despite my biology and personality, I probably have more wiggle room than I think when it comes to preserving my energy around others. 

So these days, I’m challenging myself to be as authentic as I can. Normally I dread small talk and meeting new people, but I’m aiming to just be myself as much as possible, and see if that helps. If I feel tired, I can excuse myself. If I need water, I can get some. If I don’t want to talk about something, I can change the subject. If I don’t feel animated, I don’t have to act animated.

I’m heading into a week of socializing (two of my friends are getting married and I’ll be spending a lot of time interacting with people I don’t know throughout the festivities) so I’m trying this idea on for size. To feel energized, be authentic. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Books are among my favourite things in the whole wide world. I love them! I cherish them. They have shaped me and my life in ways I could never begin to explain. Reading is my favourite pastime and a deep love of my life. I was once quoted in a national newspaper as saying, “One day I realized I was going to die before reading all the books I want to read.” Damn, girl.

I love Ramit Sethi’s book-buying rule: “If you’re thinking about buying a book, just buy it. Even one idea makes it worth it.” I have yet to adopt this habit, mostly because I’m on a saving money streak lately, but I love it in theory. I love what it represents.

So today, I’m coming up with my own book-related rule: when in doubt, books. This just popped into my head and I’m already thrilled. Here are some examples of how I hope to apply this rule (or am applying it already!):

• If a loved one is sick, bring them books that you’ve hand-selected for them based on their interests
• Anytime you have to get a gift, get a book of some kind
• If you’re feeling off and kind of existential, read a light, happy book
• If you’re not sure what to watch on Netflix, read a book
• While eating, read a book
• If you want to get out of the house, go to the library or a bookstore
• If you’re interested in a new topic, go get a book on it

Am I too crazy about books? I think not. I think I’m just the right amount of crazy about books. Especially since Marie Forleo’s new book just came out last week, and I get to pick it up from the library today. See? The right kind of crazy.

Do you have book-related rules? I would LOVE to hear them. Pop them in the comments below! Until then, I’ll be reading. Ciao!

The thing I almost always forget is that new habits eventually become automatic. I know this as a fact, intellectually, but when I’m in the midst of trying to form a new habit (floss, take my vitamins, write every day), that knowledge goes out the window. Instead, I usually get frustrated by my lack of progress and give up completely. It makes no sense, but then again, quitting feels easier than failing.

Initially you have all kinds of forces working against you: other habits that are competing for your time, resistance to doing anything that’s good for you, forgetfulness because the habit is not yet ingrained. When you’re forming a new habit, it takes conscious, intentional effort to make yourself go through the motions, and if humans hate anything it’s conscious, intentional effort. We like things to feel easy and automatic and painless. New habits are painful and slow and make us feel bad about ourselves when we can’t or forget to do them.

But if you keep showing up then slowly, surely, eventually, the new habit forms. It’s not necessarily easy, but somehow it’s easier. You’ve made room for the new habits among your old habits, without much fuss. There is less resistance, because you’ve shown up repeatedly and conquered it. You’re no longer forgetting, because the habit is just a normal part of your day. So suddenly, it feels: normal. Straightforward. Not a fight you’re fighting, but an emotionless item on your to-do list. 

I’m getting there with this daily writing habit. It no longer feels negotiable, like I could talk myself into or out of it. It just is a part of my day. Same with flossing – I still don’t adore it, but it’s no longer such a big deal, just something to check off my self-care list. And as for that self-care list, on the whole I am feeling so much more balanced about it. Some days I can’t make everything happen, but taken together I can see all the progress I’ve made.

So I’m just reminding myself today that all habits will eventually become boring, and that’s the point. If it still feels like a fight, just keep going. It will eventually fade into the background.