The next few days will be busy, but busy with wonderful things. Two of my friends are getting married to each other, and it’s set to be a big, beautiful celebration with their loved ones. I’m the maid of honour, which means speeches and photos and curling my hair (which I learned to do yesterday, thank you very much!), not to mention dancing and celebrating and socializing.

I’m excited, and I also know that it’s going to be intense. So as much as I love bookmark habits, I’m also giving myself full permission to only do what I can, within reason. Self-care is so valuable, but I’m learning it also needs to be flexible, not rigid. I need to know my limits and give myself grace during times when it would feel like a burden, not a gift, to go through the motions of all my daily habits. 

For example: this daily writing! I won’t be doing it for the next three days. I can choose to feel badly about that, or I can know and respect my limits. Amy Young, who taught me the concept of the “Sacred Six” daily self-care habits, talks a lot about how this practice has so much to teach us about how to care for ourselves.

Yes, doing these daily habits is a way to be kind to ourselves and practice showing up for ourselves. But she also talks about how it’s an opportunity to practice self-care and self-compassion with ourselves when we AREN’T able to do our habits in a day. Do we beat ourselves up? Feel guilty? Say mean things to ourselves?

We could do that, or we could acknowledge the hard parts with kindness and love. Remind ourselves that perfection isn’t the goal. Practice that unconditional positive regard, even if we haven’t exercised all week or eaten a green vegetable in two days. More of the latter, please!

So my goal is to know my limits and to be kind to myself when I reach them. Instead of bullying myself about my inability to do all the things, all the time, I can be gentle. Make exceptions. Skip the things I don’t have energy for. Because sometimes, dropping things is a form of self-care.

I get my best ideas in the morning. It sounds simple, even boring to say so, but I’m realizing that if I unpack it a bit, it becomes profound.

First of all, what do I mean by “best ideas”? These are thoughts that seem to come through me, like a little download from the powers that be. They’re thoughts that have crystallized or come through during sleep, so they have a different quality to them – they feel calmer, deeper, and truer.

Sometimes they’re about actions that I need to take, other times they’re fully-formed phrases that pop into my head, and often they’re ideas I feel like I need to suggest to other people. They might come to me quietly, but I’m getting better at capturing and remembering them, because they’re usually incredibly helpful. My morning ideas have led to big perspective shifts for me and have been the vehicle for concepts that have helped others. 

And what do I mean by “the morning”? Initially I thought that these ideas were coming to me in meditation, which is certainly true some of the time. I meditate every morning, when my brain is still very much in this sleepy-time state, so it’s natural that there would be some crossover. But I’m noticing that they also come as soon as I wake up, when I’m brushing my teeth, while I’m thinking about what to write for my daily reflection, etc. My mornings are very quiet, and ideas come to me throughout that quiet space, from the moment I wake up all the way through to starting my day. As long as my brain is quiet and at peace, the ideas flow in. 

In fact, I think the longer I can go with a quiet mind in the morning, the more and better ideas I receive. I have slept with my phone on Airplane mode for the past 3+ years, meaning that I always wake up without a single notification and don’t let things in until I’m done all my routines and feel ready. I think that piece of my process is absolutely crucial. If I woke up to a busy screen, I’d very quickly have a busy mind that would crowd out all the good ideas. 

These are good and important things to know. Not only are these ideas sometimes meaningful, they’re also usually incredible effective and practical. Without having to try to effort my way to figuring things out, I can allow my quiet mind to provide me with the answers. Meaning that protecting this sleepy time state of mind should be a huge priority. The more I can protect and cultivate this time, the more effective I’ll be. 

Yesterday we sold out the fall retreat dates of Nurture. This wasn’t our first time selling out the retreat, but it was the fastest we’ve ever sold it out, which is a huge milestone in itself.

You have to understand that the first four Nurtures that she ran on her own were operating at a deficit. She wasn’t selling the spots at full price, or the price wasn’t actually high enough to cover her costs, or she didn’t sell them out. When I came on board to help with the systems & operations of the business, we did a LOT of work (emotionally, physically and spiritually) to get the systems into shape and design the customer experience. 

So as Sonja and I celebrated last night with ice cream cones sitting on the steps, we were very grateful that this is our third retreat that’s sold so smoothly, and this one most smoothly of all. As we were sitting there, I realized: the work works. Even though it can be challenging and frustrating and hard, eventually if you commit for the long term and put in the hours and experience all the difficulties and push through them, it pays off. If you make it through The Dip when nothing feels fun anymore and keep on going, you get to the other side where things start to flow.

It felt like an important thing to recognize because that recognition in itself is motivating. Now that I’ve seen an example of what can happen when someone can get quiet enough and humble enough to re-envision their business & plod through the tedious tasks, I feel even further committed to my belief system. Doing the work works. There are key elements that need to be present in order for the work to work. Anyone can do the work with the right mindset. When you do the work, good things are waiting for you on the other side.

If you’re in a dip right now, keep going. Better things are on their way. 

Last week I was listening to this YouTube video while cooking dinner, and the host shared two great tips for improving your gratitude practice, from Shawn Achor’s book The Happiness Advantage.

When you’re making a gratitude list, it can be easy to write down the same kinds of things over and over again. We have a tendency to revert to things we’re grateful for in general, like our families or our neighbourhoods. These things are great, but if our gratitude lists feel automatic and vague, they’re not going to bring us the same boost of energy and happiness.

Instead, he suggests writing down only things that you experienced within the last 24 hours. When you think back over the past day or so and think about all the small things you were grateful for, suddenly your brain lights up and starts actively looking for more things! Writing down “house, family, having good food to eat” are fairly rote, our brains barely have to actively think about them. But thinking through the past 24 hours means we have to engage, which makes the gratitude practice more effective.

Along the same lines, his second tip is to create more active processing by including the reason that we were grateful for each item. Instead of just saying “I’m grateful that I got to go swimming at the national park,” you’d add “…because it made me feel alive, like I was exploring new places and having new experiences.” Suddenly, you’re reconnecting to some of your core values and tying your daily life to your deeper goals. Suddenly, life feels more meaningful.

So far I’ve only tried tip #1, but it’s already made a huge difference. As someone who can relate to gratitude practices starting to feel boring and routine, I think that doing both of these will help me to feel more connected to and appreciating of my life.

And while we’re here: I’m grateful to you for reading this post, because it makes me feel connected to others who might feel the same way as me. What are you grateful for and why?