Observations

Today I am employing a writing tip I heard long ago, from a variety of sources: If you want to write, don’t give yourself other options. Tell yourself that you can sit at your computer or pad of paper for as long as you want, and you don’t have to write, but you don’t get to do anything else either during your “writing time”. You can’t throw in a load of laundry or check your email or text your friends. Your choices are: stare at a blank screen/page, or write.

Eventually, you’ll start writing, because of course it’s way more boring to just sit there than it is to entertain yourself through sentences you create and thoughts you put into words. In fact, this morning I was procrastinating like crazy. I kept checking my Google Calendar and staring off into space, twiddling my thumbs and trying to make excuses to get out of it.

When I remembered this advice, I immediately closed my other browser tabs and put my phone across the room and said to myself: “you’re sitting here until it’s done or you run out of time, one way or another.” And wouldn’t you know it that within seconds I had started typing?

Our tolerance for boredom is very low. And while that’s probably maladaptive in general, it’s quite a helpful tool when you’re trying to make yourself stick to your good habits and get things done. When we think we have options, we’ll take them. Any excuse suddenly becomes a good one.

When we have fewer options, we’ll always choose the lesser of the evils. Just make it so the lesser of the evils is the behaviour you actually want to do, and you’ll find yourself doing it far more often than not.

Maybe you need to hear this too: you are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to pause, re-assess, and choose a new direction. You don’t have to stick to something that’s not working, and you don’t have to beat yourself up for trying something new.

Gretchen Rubin talks about Upholders experiencing the phenomenon of “tightening”, which is the idea that once an expectation is established, people of this tendency find it very difficult to loosen their standards or change course. And while I’m not an Upholder (I’m a Questioner to my core!), I definitely experience this same phenomenon.

Like I shared yesterday, I have a tendency to be a little bit all-or-nothing in  my thinking and behaviour. It’s hard for me to not feel like a failure if I don’t meet my habits and goals perfectly. And if I decide something isn’t working so well for me anymore, it’s hard to not just chalk that up as me “giving up” or “being lazy”. I question my motives and worry that I’m just caving in to resistance. 

So today my message to myself is: it’s okay to change your mind. Not every habit or behaviour is going to work for you! If it’s not working, you can pivot. If it’s not bringing you joy or better results, you can stop. That’s not you failing. It’s you making an informed choice with the information you have available to you. The end.

PS. This might mean that I stop trying to blog on weekends and go back to journaling those days instead. It also might mean that I take “zero-in time” out of my Super Seven, since it doesn’t seem to be doing much for me. Experimentation is good! Having a light touch is even better. :)

I just finished reading Atomic Habits by James Clear, and this line that he threw in right near the end really jumped out at me. He was explaining that while our goal is always to keep up with our habits (that’s why they’re called habits!), the reality is that life can sometimes get in the way. To mitigate for this reality, his personal rule is to never miss a habit twice. 

I like the simplicity of this rule, but also the way it allows us to have more compassion for ourselves. Not every day allows for every habit. We can accept this as truth and let it be okay. It’s not make-or-break if we can’t get outside on a walk today, or if tomorrow we don’t eat enough green vegetables. It’s okay. It’s normal. It’s life.

Instead, we can commit to starting again tomorrow. We can use our skipped day not as a reason to beat ourselves up, but instead as a reason to show up anew. 

I’m learning this new paradigm very slowly. Historically, I’ve been very all-or-nothing with my goals. If I let something go for a few days, all of a sudden I want to throw in the towel completely. But since I’ve started my Super Seven daily habits (now 8!) and tracking using a gentler habit tracker, I feel more relaxed on the days where I don’t get everything done. I try my best, and let that be enough. I try to do better tomorrow.

So as I write this to you on this very fine Saturday, I am fulfilling my daily habit and not missing twice. Yesterday I didn’t have time to write, but today I do, and today I did. See you again tomorrow.

Right before finally buckling down to type this, I was researching Disney villainess costumes on Pinterest. It occupied me for a while, even though I knew I should be writing my daily observation instead. Then, I opened up a new blog post window and all the other excuses flew into my head:

• I need a cup of tea
• Maybe I should go to the bathroom first?
• Time to get ready! What should I wear?
• Let’s just quickly check what’s on the calendar today
• Did I get any new emails?
• Let me just check my budget & update it with new info

And on and on. The only way to actually get myself typing was to sit still, not listen to any of those urges (albeit after the Pinterest ones), minimize all the other browser tabs and start writing about why I was making excuses not to write.

Here’s the thing: I don’t think I’m ever going to get to the point where I consistently show up to do my creative practice without there being some kind of drama. If you subscribe to the Steven Pressfield school of creativity (and I do), then you know there’s no escaping this part of the process. You won’t want to do it, and you’ll make yourself do it anyways, and you’ll live to create another day. 

The danger is when we think that one day it will be easy. When we think that if we just figure ourselves out enough and develop enough of a routine, we’ll never face resistance again. That belief, more than anything, is what crushes us. There’s no avoiding the annoying, arduous process of struggling with your lazy, distractible self in order to get your butt in that chair. As far as I know, that’s all there is. While it might get easier, I don’t expect it to ever become easy for me.

So here I am again, writing about resistance again, adding it up again, not breaking the chain again. Part of me thinks: how many times can I write about the ways I try to trick myself into not writing? And part of me thinks: as many times as is necessary, if that’s what it takes to wring out all the good stuff, too. The showing up is the most important part. 

PS. As soon as you hit “Publish”, all the other excuses no longer seem as fun or urgent. That’s how you know they were excuses.