Observations

This is just a little note to remind myself to pay attention to – and honour! – my morning ideas. Maybe you need this reminder too? Let me explain.

For several years now, I’ve started every morning very quietly by putting my phone on Airplane mode before I go to sleep. Not Do Not Disturb, mind you, (that’s always on), but Airplane mode, so my phone is literally disconnected from the world. This means that while my alarm still works, I wake up to a phone without notifications or news or internet access.

From there, I usually move to my couch and do 10 minutes of meditation. Now that I’ve started writing these morning reflections, I also move from my couch to my desk to do those. And THEN, after all that, I allow my phone (and myself) to reconnect to the outside world. Even though sometimes I feel the addicted part of myself want to check social media sooner because it seems more “fun” than doing my good habits, on the whole I feel a million times better for building this digital boundary into my days. 

All this is to say: my mornings are quiet. I don’t have to deal with any stimulation or information from the outside world. And I’ve just been sleeping, and therefore sifting through things subconsciously all night.

So when I get an idea in the morning, or a “ping”, or a download, or an impulse, it’s usually coming from a place of peace and presence. It’s usually right, for lack of a better word. The morning is when I feel most connected to the universe, to the collective unconscious, and to the energy of life. It’s when I’m most open to messages that might come in from a higher plane. 

This morning, I woke up knowing that I need to recover an old footstool in plush coral velvet. Yesterday, I felt like I should re-listen to an old podcast episode. At other times it’s been a feeling I should contact someone, or go somewhere, or just a thought or piece of clarity on something I’ve been struggling with. And these feelings always feel like the absolute right thing to do, like divine timing, like truth.

I don’t know what your mornings are like, but could you make them quieter? Could you make more space for the intuitive hits that you might be trying to pick up on? Can you sit quietly for a few minutes and see what rises to the surface? I know that whenever I do, my life is better for it.

Last night at the last minute, my sister and I went home to my mom’s house to have dinner with some of our relatives who were visiting from far away. It wasn’t in my plans to go home, but when my mom texted to suggest it, I didn’t really hesitate. I had to leave in a rush, got a bit hot and flustered on the way, and didn’t get home until late, but the evening we had together was absolutely worth the drive. 

A few years ago I read This is Where You Belong, a wonderful book that I own and still think about often. I read it when I was about to move ‘home’ to Toronto, a city I’d never lived in but one that was close to my family. I had spent 2+ years living abroad and while I loved aspects of the expat life, and was proud that I could work from anywhere, I really just wanted to be home. I wanted to live somewhere that I could literally just go home for dinner if I wanted to – so I rarely take it for granted that now, I can.

In the book, she cites this one Danish study that I’ve never forgotten:

“If a job seeker who lived next door to his sister was offered a position far away from home, he’d have to be paid an extra $12,475 a year to make the move worthwhile.

If a person goes from seeing friends or relatives less than once a month to seeing them most days, the resultant life satisfaction bump would be the equivalent of getting an £85,000 raise, about $130,000.”

Maybe this is not true for you, or maybe you have a difficult relationship with your family members. But whether or not you agree with these figures specifically, I think the message is clear that relationships, of any kind, are the biggest boost to our happiness, bar none.

I’ve been using a mantra lately: “Prioritize relationships.” I like how simple it is, and how broadly applicable. There are so many ways we can prioritize relationships, ways both big and small. Last night, I made the small sacrifice of adding a long drive each way to my night in exchange for hugs, puppy cuddles, bocce ball, decaf coffee, lovely accents, and beautiful memories. Prioritize relationships. They’re worth the drive.

I’m reading this very good book right now which is technically about creating a healthier relationship with food. But I’m also finding it tremendously helpful as a self-help or psychology book in general. Her work is grounded in such helpful belief concepts and almost everything she writes resonates with me on a deep level. I heard about the author on Alanis Morissette’s great podcast, so that could be why.

Yesterday I read a passage with a metaphor that I love.

“A swimmer is leaving one dock for another. Off she swims, looking longingly back at the dock she’s left. Frightened, back she swims and is relieved to be there, until she gazes over at the other dock where she really yearns to be. So she sets out again with more determination to get there. 

After enough tries, she keeps swimming until she’s equidistant between the two docks. Floundering and frightened, she knows she’s gone too far to return to the dock she came from and, that being the case, the only realistic choice is to swim to the other dock. Sure, she’s scared, but she knows she’s heading to a better place, so she sets her sights, kicks her legs, and swims off in the right direction.”

I think we face situations like these any time we’re going through a period of growth, upleveling, or hitting an upper limit. We’ve come too far to go back to the way we used to do things, but in the meantime we’re just treading water in the middle of the choppy lake, trying to get our bearings and move towards a healthier, happier way of living. It can feel like we’re stuck. We are genuinely exhausted from all the swimming we’ve been doing, and we still have just as far to go.

But I love the mental image of this tipping point that we will hit. We’ll reach the middle and realize it would be just as hard to go back as it would be to go forward. The old ways don’t seem as comforting anymore or as safe: they’re equally as unsafe as the new ways, from our new vantage point. And once we hit the tipping point, we’re in the clear. The journey ahead might be just as long, but each step we take brings us closer to the life we want, not further away.

The takeaway for me is that when we are deep in the fear, when we want to turn around and go back, when the old way feels easier, our only job is to just keep swimming. To swim out as far as the tipping point, and then the momentum will take over. We might be tired or afraid or confused, but eventually the momentum will take over and we’ll get to a better place.

Today I don’t really want to do any of my routines. I have a headache, I had nightmares last night, I’m exhausted. While I was brushing my teeth, the mere idea of doing my ten minutes of meditation, let alone all my other super seven daily habits, was enough to make me want to go back to bed. It felt like too much! I’m too tired! Do I have to do these habits for the rest of my life? Seriously?

But then I found myself just going through the motions. I was on my couch, I was writing my daily log, I was meditating, and now I’m here at my computer typing these words. I guess it’s a good thing that by this point in my life, my body knows what it’s supposed to do next. It follows suit. It takes me from Point A to Point B without much conscious effort or help from me.

It’s a good reminder, too, that the resistance is loudest before I’m actually doing the work. While I’m in it – at the desk, on the couch, typing away – it no longer seems so hard or exhausting. It just seems like I should do the next logical step, and then the next one, and the next one.

I still have a headache and am shaking off my nightmares, so I’m not totally sure what the lesson is here. Our goal as creators is to not break the chain, to not give in to our most human tendencies to give up. Today I’m realizing that all I have to do is put my butt in the chair. Force myself to start going through the motions. Sooner or later, I’ll realize that it’s much easier to just do the thing rather than just sit there. 

I’m also reminded that by going through the motions, I’ll start to feel the benefits of the good habits I’m practicing. When I go outside for a walk, I feel the benefits and beauty of nature. When I write a reflection, I feel more grounded and present. Good habits usually have some kind of reinforcement loop – there’s a pride in accomplishing them, or a release of happy chemicals, or more sunshine on your face afterwards.

To end: I am very glad I went through the motions today. Today’s a better day for it.