This morning I am having another fight with myself. The phrase I keep hearing in my head is said by a whiny, childish version of myself: “I don’t wannnnnnnaaaa.” I don’t wanna sit down and write today. I want a nice break! Don’t I deserve a break? I want one! I’ve earned one!
For a while, my habit was to write from Monday to Thursday, with Friday and weekends off. It hadn’t been very long that I’d committed to writing every day before I took a big break for all the wedding-related activities last week. Meaning that the Friday writing? It’s a little more up in the air, or so my resistance might think.
It feels like resistance can see that it has the biggest chance of winning with me on a Friday. And it’s true! Resistance definitely has the highest chance of convincing me not to write on a Friday, when I’m tired from the week and looking forward to the weekend. I was thisclose to rationalizing my way out of typing these words by affirming that I “need a break” OR deciding that writing every single day was “just too much” and I should go back to only four days a week.
Here’s the thing though: if I’m going to make the decision to reduce my commitment, it sure as hell is not going to happen right before I’m supposed to sit down and write. Talk about biased decisions! If I’m going to choose to change my writing practice in any way, that choice is going to be made at a time of day when I don’t have a writing practice hanging over my head, influencing me one way or another.
I think it’s important for us creatives to recognize where we have soft spots. Where and when are we more vulnerable to our self-destructive tendencies like procrastination, making excuses, laziness, etc. Clearly, one of mine is Friday mornings. Now that I know that, I can armour up against the inevitable inner dialogue that will attempt to convince me to treat myself more than I actually want or need to be treated.
This doesn’t mean never loosening up or adjusting your commitments to yourself. It just means doing so at times when you have less of a stake in “getting out of something” that you’d previously decided would be helpful or healthy for you. Have your own number. Protect your vulnerable spots from yourself, and from resistance.
