This weekend, I was lucky enough to be invited up to a friend’s family cottage with two other good friends of mine. We didn’t much know what to expect, but it turned out to be right on a quiet lake, surrounded by trees, with a big dock for sunning and reading. We took turns cooking the meals and washing the dishes, we spent long hours alternating between swimming and tanning, and we had some great heart-to-hearts. Basically, it was perfect.

Last week was busy, especially leading up to leaving for the weekend on Friday afternoon. I’d had a corporate workshop, lots of client calls, and was running around like a headless chicken trying to do laundry and pack and tie up loose ends at work. I was tired, and I’d gotten a terrible head cold (which I still have, by the way), and was thisclose to bowing out of the weekend in order to stay put and watch the rest of Stranger Things.

I’m so happy that I didn’t, head cold be damned. There’s nowhere I’d rather have been than right on the water surrounded by my friends, soaking up the sun and good vibes. But it reminds me that my tendency may always be to skip it, or opt out, or say “maybe next time”, or rain check. I may always struggle with getting overwhelmed and thinking that what I need is to be alone in my apartment for days. Sometimes that’s exactly what I need, but not always and not often.

Usually, what I need is to connect with people who care about me, to spend time outside, to read quietly, and to try new things. These are what energize me, make me feel alive, give me the most joy. This weekend proved that it’s worth it to override my tendency to stay in my comfort zone. It’s worth it to make the effort. I’m so glad I did.

On this week’s episode of A Little Happier, Gretchen told the story of a young girl who desperately wanted a dollhouse full of beautiful furniture and accessories. As a gift, her doting grandparents went out and bought them the best dollhouse available, full of all kinds of adorable trinkets, exactly what she’d wanted. She loved it and happily played with it a few times, but then never played with it again. The joy was gone. Gretchen quotes Bertrand Russell in saying, “To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.”

I found this anecdote fascinating, but came at it from a slightly different angle. I didn’t think the message was that we need to be without the things we want in order to find happiness. Rather, to me the story was saying that we want the experience of wanting the things we want.

We want the research, the longing, the planning, the saving, the anticipation, the treasure-hunting, the chase. In giving this little girl such a generous gift, they were robbing her of hours, weeks, years of daydreaming and scheming and stretching her creativity to use the resources she already had to create the outcome she wanted.

This instantly hit home, especially because (as I mentioned in this post), last weekend I became obsessed with a few interior design YouTube channels. Naturally, after watching all those videos I suddenly wanted to buy ALL THE THINGS. Blankets, baskets, and home goods galore. I wanted to run out to Home Sense or Dollarama or The Bay and grab some easy, cute options to “check off my list” and improve my home.

But then I’d be buying myself a dollhouse, wouldn’t I? I’d be robbing myself of the treasure hunt. When I look around my home, it’s the treasures I found at a thrift store, or while antiquing with my friends, or that I painstakingly saved up for, that I love and cherish the most. I don’t feel the same way about the easy options that I grabbed from Ikea because I needed a set of placemats.

I’m not saying that big box stores like those don’t ever serve a purpose (because they absolutely do!!), I just know that if I went out and furnished my (doll)house in the fastest way possible, I would be stealing some of my own joy. Instead, I’d rather live without certain things completely until I have a chance to hunt them down or save up for them properly.

On that note, yesterday I took myself on a trip to Value Village, one of my favourite things to do. I came home with a beautiful vintage wire basket, a lovely woven plant pot, an retro radio that still works, and a ceramic vase to hold my pens & pencils. It took a while to dig all these treasures up, but I could never have found things with this much patina at a place like H&M Home. This is a note to self, for the next time I just want to run out and grab something as easily and quickly as I possibly can: Embrace the chase. Accept the challenge. Anticipation is half the fun. 

If you’re paying close attention, you might notice that I am writing this post in the evening instead of the morning. That’s because this morning I had to be up earlier than usual to run my email workshop (yay!) for a team of wedding photographers. It was a lot of fun, but it meant that I had to cut my morning routine slightly short, in order to make sure that I could both meditate and feed myself (the most important parts of my routine) before getting out the door on time.

But I’m here now, prioritizing this, because I know that it will make it more likely that I show up again tomorrow and stick to my habits. I call this practice a “bookmark habit”, because I envision it as “saving my place” in the book of life. Sarah Von Bargen, from whom I first learned this concept, calls these “a ‘lite’ version of your habit that you do when you’re on vacation, busy, or sick, so that you don’t lose the habit of your habit.” (You can see more about her habit philosophies here, and listen to me interview her here.)

Her thinking is that doing your habit today makes it far more likely you’ll do it tomorrow, that you won’t forget or give yourself an “out” or find a loophole. Similarly, James Clear tells us to think about practicing our habits as “casting a vote for the type of person you wish to become”. Which means that showing up to vote is pretty much the most important part of the process. Austin Kleon reminds us that our only job as artists (and humans!) is to not break the chain.

They’re all saying the same thing, which is this: Show up. Cast your vote. Do it anyways. Even if it’s small, even if it’s just keeping your place, even (especially!) if you’re tired, even if it’s not your best work. Doing it today will make it more likely you’ll do it tomorrow, which means you’ll be even closer to the goals and dreams you have for yourself. So hi! I’m here. I’m writing. I might be going to watch Stranger Things 3 now, but at least I know I’ve cast my vote for the day.