Life In Limbo

These Two Hands

January 7, 2013

These two hands have been making a lot of lovely things lately, and I wanted to share! I saw this Pin the other day, and thought it was wonderful. If you don’t want to click over, the text is “I need to make things with my hands every day”. I think it’s absolutely true for me. I’m not always making something beautiful – it could be as simple as writing a quote down in my journal or stirring brussels sprouts until they brown (I’m obsessed, sprouts + eggs is such a great meal!). But using my hands to create is wonderful, and I’m sure many of you would agree.

I read a great op-ed in the Globe and Mail when I was home over the break, about knitting! The piece quotes Chuck Palahniuk: “My working day involves jotting down ideas while doing a seemingly mindless physical task”, and the author of the article turns to knitting as her ‘mindless physical task’. While I had never thought of knitting that way, it made complete sense to me – it’s fairly mindless, and I get to use my hands to make something. Win-win. I’ve knitted a lot lately. It’s been fun. I’ve knitted so many things + subsequently given them away before I even had a chance to take a proper photo of them! But that’s okay. That’s the spirit, anyways.

I made both my beautiful sisters striped cowls for Christmas. And I saw both of them wearing them at some point in the weeks after, so success! They ended up being slightly big, but plush and cozy nonetheless. If I make the pattern again, I’ll be casting on less stitches to start. The grey cowl I’m wearing in the above photo is one I totally improvised because I was desperate for something to wear around my neck 24/7, and wear it around my neck 24/7 I certainly have! It’s my favourite. It’s seed stitch (learn how to do it here) that I made on US #10 needles with not-quite-chunky-enough yarn, but I love it anyways. I went on a hat craze, so far I’ve made 3 – one for my mom, which is pink and white pinstripes, the solid band version for myself above, and a green and white pinstripe one that is currently making its way through the mail system to a good friend who lives far away! Surprise! The knitting bowl that my sister got me for Christmas has been life-changing, or at least knitting-life-changing. Yes, I have to re-wind all my skeins of yarn into balls but it is a small price to pay to have an easier time knitting! Also there is no longer lint and dust all over my yarn from dragging on the floor. Yay.

I’m currently tackling another hat for a friend of mine, then I want to make myself another cowl, and maybe learn how to make gloves! Luckily, since I’ve gotten some new needles, I can make projects properly, and that makes me very happy. I haven’t lost the spark yet, and I’m going to exploit it for another little while yet, until it runs out until the next cold season. For right now, I’m going to make cozy things for winter with my own two hands.

January

January 4, 2013

Keeping things super simple for January. As much as I love that this month feels like a fresh start, I also *strongly dislike* the weather (slush, snow, grey skies) that is so common at this time of year, especially in Montreal. So for January I decided to “reach deep” and try to stay positive during this month that can be trying at times (like earlier today, when I got splashed head to foot with slush by a car).

This month, I’ll be looking out for the beauty in the everyday, and sharing the photos on Instagram with the hashtag #everydaybeauty. My intention to not let the winter weather upset me is going to be put into practice with smiles, good music in my ears during wintery walks, and always dressing for the weather. I want to create a simple practice of exercising at home, probably some combination of basics (pushups, situps, etc) and yoga. I have an urge to purge the junky stuff that I don’t need from my apartment, and get rid of all those pesky email newsletters! When in doubt, I want to choose to read over being on Facebook or Pinterest. And above all, I want to be kind. I want to forge stronger, lighter, happier connections with the people I love, do the right thing, and bite my tongue if I need to.

See? Simple. If they’re easy, though, is another story. Here goes nothing, January!

2013: Reach

January 2, 2013

This year, to wrap-up/look forward, I worked through Susannah Conway’s free Unravelling 2013 workbook. I really enjoy taking time to reflect on the year that’s passed and get giddy-excited about the year to come. (Note: I’ve done this with other workbooks, or just in a notebook of my own – it’s not the format that matters to me, it’s the act of actively looking forward that helps me most.)

My favourite exercise was choosing a word for 2013. I had read about having a guiding word for the year before (here and here) and I absolutely loved the idea. I’ve written before about having mantras or words to focus on while running and how much they help me to refocus. So having a word to try and center around this year makes total sense to me.

My word for 2013 is reach.

It’s a word that represents a lot of different things to me, and really captures the types of goals and intentions I have for 2013. I also love that it’s a word that implies autonomy – it’s up to me to reach up and out, it relies on me and my motivation. Reaching is self-driven: I can take it at my own pace, no pressure. Some meanings “reach” has for me, so far:

Reach, stretch, grow. Learn, practice, improve, read, try new things, say yes to things that scare and thrill me, say no to things that drain me.
Reach my potential. Ironically, I really want to stop ‘reaching’ in one sense of the word – I want to stop escaping into my phone, into social media, into the next big plan or idea. In 2013, I want to be more present. I want to be really in each moment and each experience. I want to let go of the desperate need to document every moment to share it with others, instead just letting myself live through it. I want to experience how wonderful something is while it’s happening, instead of realizing that it was special after it’s happened. I want to be more present and connected with the people I love. I want to reach my potential for health – continuing to eat better and exercise regularly. I want to take pride in the things I love to do. I want to notice the magic and beauty of my everyday life. I want to be grateful and fully love my life.
Reach out to others. Keep in touch with my family and far-off friends, more than I do currently. Plan more shared meals and coffee dates. Deepen my friendships. Ask for help, advice, wisdom.
Reach for the stars. Dream big. Stretch out of my comfort zone. Have a Great Safe Adventure. Make the impossible seem possible + plausible. Make it happen, all by myself. (I’m in the early stages of planning a great safe adventure in Europe for this summer/fall. It’s exhilarating and seems magical and distant and fantastical but bit by little bit I’m going to make it a reality.)

2013 already seems magic, and full of life, and bursting with happiness and possibility. It is also a picture that is slowly coming into focus but still holds a lot of mystery and things unknown. Which is why, this year, I’m moving away from setting big goals like I did for 2012. The scope of New Years Resolutions is much too wide for me in 2013. I don’t know where I’ll be in 6 months, so setting goals for the year feels wrong and pointless. It’s also true that for the last few years I’ve felt a bit restless and stuck, so setting creative goals to give me something positive and productive to focus on was extremely helpful and adaptive. Yet more and more, they are beginning to really feel arbitrary and constricting. I am happy with all the things I was able to create and achieve through setting lists of goals (and the joy of crossing things off my lists), but for the moment they don’t appeal to me.

In 2013, I’ll be giving myself a short list of goals or intentions each month. I think it will be good to have the flexibility, and to be able to include the things that are truly exciting for me each month. Normally, my intentions for the year get forgotten, because they can be vague and difficult to measure. But intentions are important, and I think by including some in each list of monthly goals, I’ll actually be able to focus on them and incorporate them into my life.

Here’s to 2013! Here’s to freedom, determination, happiness, beauty, good food, great friends, flexibility, lightness, being kind, stretching, adventures, and great big love. I love you, 2013.

2012

December 30, 2012

Time flew this year. It’s hard to quantify all the beauty, and joy, and growth and love that 2012 had to offer. In truth, not much happened, in the traditional sense. But a lot of little things happened, and they all added up to be important.

I read sixty books, some of them life-changing.
I broke off a relationship that was draining me and I was happily surprised to find that my life totally blossomed.
I practiced my photography every day, and it improved.
I started running again. I managed to run 8K and do my first race.
I learned how to waitress.
I learned how to knit and sew.
I sobbed my heart out a few times, for many different reasons.
I started to figure out how to give myself what I need. Huge epiphany!
I drank a lot of smoothies with spinach in them.
I spent a lot of time alone.
I let myself be creative.
I happily improved some great friendships.
I got excited daydreaming about the future.
I cooked + baked a lot of really delicious things.
I loved 2012.

I’m so excited for 2013!