The last couple weeks have not been my best when it comes to self-care. I haven’t been eating overly well, I’ve been sleeping too much, and I’ve been watching too much TV. When I don’t take care of myself properly, I don’t feel my best, no matter how much inspirational book-reading or podcast-listening or conversation-having that I do simultaneously. 

There’s a massive difference between self-care and self-indulgence, and lately I think I’ve been doing too much of the latter. Self-indulgence is short-term gratification, self-care is long-term investment in your wellbeing. I learned this difference so, SO long ago (it was even in this ebook I wrote in 2012, which is no longer available!) but just because we know something doesn’t mean we consistently remember it.

One of my favourite practical strategies for true self-care is Amy Young‘s Sacred Six practice. She sets herself six non-negotiable self-care activities that address fundamental aspects of her wellbeing, and commits to doing them daily. This is where the work of self-care comes in: it’s not always pretty and fun and full of bubbles. Sometimes it means doing exactly the activities you’re resisting, because you know that ultimately they will increase your happiness long-term. You can learn more about her method here.

I had tried to set myself a Sacred Six back in December, but didn’t stick to it because I didn’t personalize it enough to ME. I essentially tweaked Amy’s list, but without enough customization for my life. This time around, I’m adding in new items that feel relevant to this season of my life, with a plan to revisit them in a few months.

I also really, really don’t like the number 6 (don’t ask me why!), but I love the number 7 (it’s my birthday), so a change was made. “Sacred” is not my favourite word either – I love sacredness as a concept but am not a fan of the word itself (how it sounds/looks). Yes, I’m weird! Hence, the Super Seven are born.

Here are my Super Seven: 

1. Zero-In Time: time with no external input (from music, podcasts, conversations, screens), not counting my meditation practice
2. Journal OR blog post
3. Sweat OR stretch
4. Eat meals without screens: no more eating in front of the TV
5. 7–11: wake-up & lights-out times
6. Nature time: forest or lake or park
7. Eat green vegetables

I’m looking for a solid, free habit-tracking app so that I can check all seven off every day, but most of them only allow you to track a couple daily habits. Otherwise, I might try to track these daily habits in Asana!

What would your Sacred Six or Super Seven be?

Yesterday on a podcast, I heard a line that I’m paraphrasing here: “The true sign of mastery over yourself is whether you can overcome discouragement.”

This strikes me as a very good definition for resilience, as well. The dictionary defines resilience as “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties”, and discouragement as “a loss of confidence or enthusiasm.” Put another way, discouragement happens when you face difficulties, and your resilience and mastery over yourself determine when and how quickly you’ll regain your faith and excitement after a disappointment. Our self-mastery and our resilience are linked.

When I think about what makes me resilient, I think first of my relationships. When something hard or disappointing happens, I am completely and utterly spoiled for people I can text or call or meet up with for support. I sometimes forget how lucky I am to have such deep friendships and such a strong network, and that not everyone is so lucky. It’s often in exactly those moments when I realize just how loved I really am.

I also think of my tools, the concepts and activities that I collect here on the blog and on the podcast. The reason I read so much and listen to podcasts so much and try to have deep conversations so much is that when I do, I usually glean a powerful insight or tool that will help me on this journey called life. All these tools and ideas build my resilience: they give me ways to cope with my discouragement, my doubts, my fatigue.

Discouragement is a part of life, but learning to feel it, process it, and metabolize it properly is how we overcome our doubts and push on towards our dreams and goals.

Brené Brown says it best:

“While vulnerability is the birthplace of many of the fulfilling experiences we long for — love, belonging, joy, creativity, and trust, to name a few — the process of regaining our emotional footing in the midst of struggle is where our courage is tested and our values are forged. Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives; it’s the process that teaches us the most about who we are.“

Yesterday, I took my computer to the park near my house and set up shop in one of my favourite spots: a little forest cathedral next to a big, wide, grassy field. It was almost funny how natural it felt to open my laptop, put in my earphones and get to work in such a gorgeous location – I didn’t want to leave and stayed for hours.

The lesson I learned here is not how lucky I am to be able to work from anywhere (though I never take that for granted), it’s that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to embracing my flexibility and independence. Left to my own devices, I’ll go to the same coffee shop every day or I’ll work from my home office. It either won’t cross my mind to do something differently, or otherwise I’ll make up excuses for why I can’t.

Last week I was walking through the park, talking to a friend about why I never work outside in the summer. Because I don’t have an internet key, I said. Because those data plans are expensive, I said. Did you know that in Korea they have the cheapest, fastest best internet keys?!, I said.

But afterwards I saw that I was being a hypocrite. I always encourage my clients to think about what solutions are right in front of them, what they could do tomorrow, and what tools they already have at their disposal. Stop trying to get fancy with it and be nimble. Be light. Figure it out as you go.

I saw that I wasn’t taking my own advice. I was researching expensive data plans for an internet key I don’t even want, all the while already having a phone with a generous data plan that I never use all of in a month. I know how to tether my phone’s internet to my computer. What was I waiting for? So without further ado, I took myself to the forest office and had a wonderful time.

This was an important lesson for me that more often than not, there are solutions right in front of me for having a better experience every single day. How can you use the resources and tools you already have, to create more of the life that you want?