Closing Time

I’ve been thinking a lot about how things are about to change drastically in my life. I used to dream about this moment: glass of wine in my hand, typing on my very own laptop, preparing to start the grand adventure that is my life at university. But somehow, it doesn’t feel like I thought it would. Not at all. I didn’t think it would be so stressful, so melancholy or so hurtful, to realize that so many different segments of my life are ending, and that my relationships with those I love most are never going to be the same. Ever. I was shelving books yesterday and I realized two things painful: one, I would have to give up my beloved job, and two, I saw a book called ‘Friday Night Dinners’ and realized that never again will I have the kind of relationship with my mom where I’ll come home on a Friday and have dinner with her. I always loved Fridays and even though I almost always went out, I almost always wanted to stay in. Which got me to thinking about how sad I am that I feel like I’ve gone and wasted my youthful years with my family. I haven’t spent as much time with them as I should, I know that. I haven’t always been in the best mood or made the right decisions regarding them. I haven’t been the best friend I could be, or best person, or best sister or daughter or granddaughter. I do try. But life is hard, I’ve found, and I’m still trying desperately to get the hang of it. Conflicting priorities, extenuating circumstances, emotions and hormones all lead me to choices that while not wrong, are not always quite right either.

I realize, obviously, that there is always room for improvement. Of course. And I try to self-assess as much as possible and fix issues outstanding. It’s hard to please everyone, I’ve learned that much. And when it comes down to it, you have to figure out who it is that is most important that you please. I catch myself in bad moods, saying I can’t help feeling how I do. And while that is true, to a point, I can always try harder. My best friend word-vomited that ugly truth last night via text: ‘Ask yourself. Is it really worth it.’  He clearly knows me better than I do, and I can admit that he’s right. It’s not worth it to be in a stupid mood. I can try harder. I don’t have to always be like that. Going forward into life, I need people who will love me no matter what, but also be willing to help me change for the better. I am open to change for the better.

Also in this hullaballoo of stress is entangled many administrative choices. Doctor’s appointments, hair dresser’s, banking information, setting up a credit card, choosing a new phone, finding the best software for my computer, sending in legal documents and forms, signing leases, health card information, going shopping for my dorm room (still exciting, even among the stressful things). There is not only so MUCH to do, there is so little time to do it in, while desperately trying to fit in time with the family, friends, doggie. :)

And all at the same time, I have to stress about my future. Choosing the right courses to be able to enter the program I want, thinking about frosh and how to choose the one that will best represent me, thinking (although much too far in advance) about jobs for the summer, housing for next year and semesters abroad. And all at once, trying not to get overwhelmed and stick to my guns. Making sure I am still representing the person inside of me. Making sure that when I get to school, I am prepared to show the world my true colours, be ready and open to new ideas and people, and making sure I make decisions that truly reflect who I am. Which includes even little things like the phone I choose.

To the outside observer, you might think that I am stressing too much. I know I am. I am overthinking (my tragic flaw, unfortunately), stressing, analyzing, deconstructing. I have so much to do that I am not doing it. Not planning my time so I can spend time with the people I’m going to miss most. I have to try and conquer that.

Over the next couple weeks, I am going to experience some strange things. This will be the last time I sleep in my bed without being somewhat of a stranger. It won’t be my house. My interactions with my family from here on in will be completely different. Soon, I’ll have to be grown up, supporting myself, cooking for myself, working for myself. I am so thankful that I have supportive parents, willing to help me in any way that they can on my journey. I love them to pieces.

As I begin to say goodbye to my current life, I begin to slowly and incrementally get excited for my new one. New address, friends, international contact, amazing people and city. One step closer to my dreams. I couldn’t be happier. Or more terrified.

Wu Tang Clan Ain’t Nothin’ To F With.

Well let's just say jail terrifies me and I hopefully will never be there. But if I were:

Macbook Pro With Internet
First off, I love my computer. But secondly, a notorious blog from jail? That stuff will get you on Oprah, which is my dream.

Infinte Jest
If I’m in prison for a year, I might as well conquer that book. Heaven knows, I probably would never have a better opportunity to immerse myself in it.

A Duvet
I can’t sleep without a heavy duvet. Even in summer. I need the weight on me to feel cozy.

Diva!

Hey! Here we go, here it is, my review of the Beyoncé (!!!) concert.  July 20, 2009, at the Molson Amphitheatre. We had lawn seats, right in front of centre stage, and it was an absolutely gorgeous night, no rain, no clouds, no nothing! It was sunny and beautiful. We were there fairly early, in time to get good seats (marked out by our bright-orange-with-fuschia-flowers blanket), have a pizza, people watch (notably: a Jon-and-Kate-Plus-Eight Kate lookalike, and a hilarious man in a turquoise vneck dancing his booty off to RichGirl) and get BEYOND pumped for Beyoncé. :) Eva Avila and RichGirl were opening, and they were enjoyable. I didn’t realize Eva Avila had so many singles, but clearly she does. I liked both acts, I actually really liked Richgirl, but maybe that had something to do with the laughter I experienced watching this guy just lose it when they started singing. We waited a while for The Diva, having four false starts – we’d be sitting down and then people would start screaming due to some lighting change/Drake arriving (I admit, I was also excited), so we would all stand up. Then when nothing happened, we’d sit down. Four times. It got funny.

Then SHE arrived. It was so so so exciting. I should state for the record, before this concert, I enjoyed Beyoncé’s music, but I would in no way call myself a fan. At this point in the concert, however, I was really giddy. Caught up in Beyoncé-mania. And also for the record, I am now beyond a huge fan. I am OBSESSED (haha catch that Beyoncé reference?). I bought her CD, watched her movie on the plane from London, bought Marie Claire to read the interview with her. It’s at the point that currently listening/dancing to one of her songs puts me in a better mood.

Anyways..I can’t describe every song she played (well I could, but I won’t!) But here is her setlist:

1. Crazy In Love  2. Naughty Girl  3. Freakum Dress  4. Get Me Bodied  5. Smash Into You  6. Ave Maria/Angel (Sarah McLaughlin – shoutout to Canada!)  7. Broken-Hearted Girl  8. If I Were A Boy/You Oughta Know (Alanis Morissette – shoutout to Canada!)  9. Diva!  10. Radio!!!!!  11. Me, Myself and I  12. Ego  13. Hello  14. The Mama’s Medley  15. Baby Boy  16. You Don’t Love Me (No, No, No)  17. Irreplaceable  18. Destiny’s Child Medley  19. Check On It!!  20. Bootylicious  21. Bug A Boo  22. Jumpin’ Jumpin’ 23. Upgrade U  24. Video Phone  25. Say My Name  26. Survivor  27. At Last  28. Listen  29. Scared of Lonely

Encore: Single Ladies & Halo

Sew epic. As you can see, she played every one of her good songs and then some. She was an awesome performer: dancing all out, singing harder, smiling that beautiful smile, getting the audience involved, being a complete professional. She has a rockin’ bod, I had never really noticed before, but what with the ten or so leotards she wore throughout the concert, it was hard not to notice, and have her automatically replace any preconceived notions of ideal bodies. From now on, I just want to be Beyoncé.

We had an amazing night. We were all dancing our butts off (including Mom) and singing our hearts out. It was the best concert I’ve ever been to, no contest. If you ever get the chance to see Sasha Fierce Live, don’t pass it up. I guarantee she will make a fan out of you.

Get It Together!

Well I've been meditating a lot lately on the subject of total synchronization. In other words, like Dyson vaccuums, I wish everything would just WORK. It seems constantly ridiculous to me that it takes twenty sweaty minutes to set up the dvd player, instead of just a wireless install like you would on a wireless printer. Why not have the TV remotely find any devices nearby and sync with them, in that way playing the dvd without all the unneccessary cords.

Something else that would make everything just work properly would be internet clouds. I know some cities are doing it, but why not have one fee every month, for your phone, house internet, laptop internet and have a key to the city so to speak, a password that allows you to access internet from anywhere all over the city grid.

On that same note: we were traveling around Toronto yesterday, and kept continually having to feed the meter at every stop. Again, why not an option for a parking day pass? Anywhere in the city, just stick it on your dashboard and it says you can park anywhere there's a free space. Or better yet, for people who run around doing errands downtown maybe they should have an option for monthly parking.

Technology is apparently so powerful, and yet we can't seem to get over this little hump that is connection, syncing. It is so key: we can do it on our cell phones, but not on our powerful laptops? That means we sometimes leave our computers at home or search desperately for a connection port. Why not leave that stress behind and give us the option for connection!

And at the same time: why not keep working on that wireless power charging thing. That would be awesome.