May

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It’s May today! After a crazy stressful April, I plan to make May as relaxing and as full of joie de vivre as I possibly can. I’m still going to be working, but I’ve got manageable hours with plenty of time left over to read voraciously (I took a trip to the library yesterday to stock up!), spend time on patios with friends, and take lots of photos. My major goals for May are to purge a lot of my stuff that’s clogging up my apartment. I remember hearing a quote once that said something along the lines of: when you own a lot of stuff, your stuff ends up owning you. I can definitely relate. I don’t know how I’ve managed to conglomerate so much crap but I’ve got to get rid of it. I want the process of moving out of my apartment to be as straightforward and pleasant as possible, so that means May is going to be a purge month. Last night I already went through a bunch of clothes and filled two garbage bags – one with damaged clothes to be thrown away, and the other for giveaway. Gotta do more of that! Feels good.

I’ll also be planning my trip as much as I can. I currently have a rough itinerary but I’ll be starting to hammer more details down and book some plane tickets! Thrilling, so thrilling. My other goals for the month are to relax, enjoy myself, read good books, eat good food, and learn to use my camera on manual. I’m excited to finally learn to take the photos I want to take.

I’m happy it’s summer.

Done My Degree!

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“You’re going to be all right. And you’re going to be all right not because you majored in English or didn’t and not because you plan to apply to law school or don’t, but because all right is almost always where we eventually land, even if we mess up entirely along the way..

Just close your eyes and remember everything you already know. Let whatever mysterious starlight that guided you this far, guide you onward into whatever crazy beauty awaits. Trust that all you learned during your college years was worth learning, no matter what answer you have or do not have about what use it is..

You don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don’t have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You don’t have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You don’t have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts. You have to pay your own electric bill. You have to be kind. You have to give it all you got. You have to find people who love you truly and love them back with the same truth..

I hope you will be surprised and knowing at once. I hope you’ll always have love. I hope you’ll have days of ease and a good sense of humor. I hope when people ask what you’re going to do with your English and/or creative writing degree you’ll say: “Continue my bookish examination of the contradictions and complexities of human motivation and desire”; or maybe just: “Carry it with me, as I do everything that matters.” And then smile very serenely until they say ‘”oh”.”

You can read the full article by the oh-so-amazing Cheryl Strayed here. You should also get her book and read it cover-to-cover and cherish it.

This afternoon, I wrote the last exam of my undergraduate degree. That’s it! I’m done! It’s hard to believe that I don’t have another paper to write or studying to do, I’m free from school. And not just for the summer, forever (maybe).

I’m feeling very emotional (normal, for me). The last four years have been educational and inspiring and hard and fun and full of pain and full of love. I have a feeling that that’s what the next four years will be like, and the four after that (and so on and so on), but I also think these four were some of the most important I’ll have. They don’t call them formative years for nothing, right? I got to know some absolutely amazing people and I got to know myself. I will be eternally grateful for the support of my family (I love you all to infinity and beyond) for listening to me rant and looking over my papers and sending me silly SnapChats (a fairly recent phenomenon, admittedly) and writing me emails that made me feel closer to home. I will be eternally grateful for the support of my friends for all the laughs and jokes and willingness to listen to me complain and pep talk me back up, launch into impromptu dance parties and just sit in silence with me while we suffer through some studying (because we know having someone there makes it all better).

Two years ago, I wouldn’t have resonated so strongly with the quote above. But I think the fact that I do now shows how much I’ve grown and how much perspective I’ve been lucky enough to be exposed to. I know I’m going to be okay, eventually. I’m not as scared of the world as I was a year ago, or even a month ago. I’m ready for the next chapter, and all the struggle and happiness it holds for me. I’ll always have the wonderful people around me, and I’ll always have good books, and I’ll always have the ability to see the bright side and find small joys. Happiness is choice! Happiness is a form of bravery!

It’s been grand, undergraduate degree. Thanks for the memories! xoxo.

Read These Books by Sarah Addison Allen

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Do you like a bit of whimsy?

Can you deal with the occasional cliché in your writing?

Are you partial to adorable love stories?

Do you like strong, complex female characters?

If you answered no to any of the above questions, these books probably aren’t for you. If you answered yes to them, however, you’re about to be blown over by a gust of warm wind that probably smells like raspberries and feels like love.

Sarah Addison Allen’s books take place mainly in the South, an area that has always grabbed my imagination with visions of heat, old-fashioned manners, big old trees, picnics, and long lazy days. The books take me right into that world, replete with fancy outdoor parties and baking cakes and falling asleep outside in the backyard and fireflies and small, quiet towns. I love that vibe, I can’t get enough of it. It’s a world where people carve the initials of their high school sweethearts into tree trunks and go star-gazing and there are local legends and magic in the air and quaint boardwalks and general stores. It’s sunny and happy! There is good food! What’s not to love?

All the books have a little bit of magic in them, magical things that happen to the characters. It’s hard to describe without giving examples, so: in Garden Spells, the plants and fruits grown in the backyard of one family have strange and subtle effects on other people, making them feel regret or love or any number of other things. In The Sugar Queen, one of the characters is always being followed around by different books that appear in her path just when she needs most to read them. In The Girl Who Chased the Moon, there are mysterious lights dancing in the forest behind the house at night. It’s never big magic that the characters do, it’s more like serendipity, happy whimsy that makes their lives sparkle.

But even though most of the time, the books are filled with love and sunshine, the author isn’t afraid to tackle difficult issues. She manages to work themes of domestic abuse, teen pregnancy, bullying, questioning one’s sexual identity, low self-esteem and lots of other types of turmoil into her books in a way that seems real. Those problems are a part of the characters’ lives, but so is love in all its forms: between sisters, aunts and nieces, brothers, twins, lovers, friends, old love, new love, every type of love there is. The love she describes is enough to conquer all the bad stuff.

I think what I like best about these books is how they make me feel. It’s exam season and I’ve had my fair share of stressful days lately. But I decided to start re-reading these books that I love so much and they’ve been buoying me up with a little love, a little comfort, a little joy and hope. They’re the perfect companions for my current high-stress lifestyle – they’re fun and fast to read. They feel like summer and home.

I’d recommend starting with Garden Spells, her first (and most popular) novel.

After that, there’s

..and she’s coming out with a new novel “Lost Lake” sometime in 2013. I’m jazzed, obviously.

I can’t really say for sure that these novels are for everybody. There’s probably a big group of people who wouldn’t like them one bit. But for me, they’re wonderful, and I like to share things I think are wonderful. I’d say if you liked The Night Circus, there’s a good bet you’ll like these too.

Happy reading!

Real Talk

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Let me be honest with you for a few minutes.

Because here’s what I’m worried about. I’m worried (like lots of other bloggers) that my internet life is not realistic. I try my best to be down-to-earth and talk about my feelings, but I also usually only share the happy shiny moments of my life here on the blog. And to be sure, my life is full of lovely happy shiny moments, and that’s what I like to focus on. But I never want you to get the wrong impression about my life.  (Sidebar: this is both the post I need to write and the post I need to read right now)

I’m not always as positive as I come across on this blog. Case in point: I cry a lot. I sometimes get so frustrated I can’t sleep properly. I get my heart broken. I get cranky and whiny and I sometimes call my mom just to vent at her like a small child. I’m not always graceful, I don’t always take things in stride, I don’t always see the bright side, I complain.

Any photos you like on this blog? I probably don’t like them. There are very few photos I’ve ever taken that I’m completely happy with. I get insecure about my blog often. There are so many drop-dead gorgeous websites out there with the most amazing photography that makes me practically keel over because it’s so beautiful. I worry I write about myself and my own feelings far too much, and that my blog should offer people more concrete information like recipes and book reviews and DIY tutorials instead of just my stream-of-consciousness thoughts.

I’m always feeling like there is more I should do. Better books I should be reading. Cooler TV shows I should be watching. New slang that I should be aware of (I’ve been looking up words on Urban Dictionary a lot lately). More concrete plans for the future I should be making.

I’m not saying any of this because I want you to reassure me or compliment me. Really, I’m not. I’m saying it to prove I’m human. To prove that I hurt and envy and worry and doubt myself just like anybody else. BUT! Us humans, we’re resilient. We can carry both positivity and negativity on our shoulders and come out smiling. I can both love my blog and wish it was better. I can be both jealous of other blogs and inspired by them. I can be disappointed in my photography but still acknowledge how far I’ve come. I can be completely overwhelmed but put my head down and make it through. I can feel the pressure to read an intelligent, important novel, and then turn around and read a book that makes me feel comfortable and happy. It’s a balancing act.

A funny line has come into my head a couple times in the past couple (stressful) weeks: activate coping strategies! For me, that means feeding my needs (food, sleep, exercise, a mental break), writing things out, calling a loved one, taking deep breaths. But just the knowledge that I can be both completely exhausted/frustrated/worried and still care for myself and breathe through it is so comforting. It’s totally a reflection of the aforementioned balancing act: I can still get totally overwhelmed but also realize how much I’ve learned about myself and how to self-soothe.

I’m less than a week away from being done my undergraduate degree. Safe to say, emotions of all kinds (and re: lots of different things) are running high. So, as always, I’m super grateful for this little corner of the internet to help me sift through my thoughts and worries. Much love.

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