Observations

This week has been really long, and full of work. My Asana board has never been so full, even without the few personal tasks I neglected to add to my official list. Even now after checking so many things off, I still feel sort of stressed to see the long lists of completed tasks, almost as if I can’t quite believe I finished each one. And if I look ahead to today’s list, I feel anxious and worry I won’t get everything done in time.

I once heard a quote that said something like, “The present is never overwhelming, only the future and the past.” Sometimes we feel overwhelmed in the present moment, if we’re thinking about the future or the past. But in the present moment, things are not overwhelming. In the present, you only have one thing to do: the current thing you’re doing. We can usually handle the present moment.

And that’s how it’s felt this week. I’ve noticed that the more present I can be with whatever I’m doing, the less stressed I feel. I can complete each task I have to do one at a time, without thinking about everything to come after. I can actually be in flow more often than not, working efficiently and in a focused way. I plan out what I need to do, and then I trust my intuition to guide me to the next task, and the next one, and the next one.

We get into trouble when we let thoughts of the future creep in and throw us off our game. Future-tripping and worry take us out of the moment, and make our overall experience worse. Not to mention that letting fear seep in tends to decrease the quality of what we’re doing, because we end up rushing and hurried.

I get it: it’s harder to stay present and trusting! It’s challenging to keep a calm confidence that everything will get done if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. But it’s also a more pleasant (and efficient!) way to be in the world.

After I write this blog post, I have a lot of work to do. I’ve got to write up notes from a client session, save them as a nice PDF and send them over. I’ve got to edit a document for a super-special-secret project I’m working on with Make Lemonade. I’ve got to prep for my group meeting of The Foundery this afternoon, where we’re doing a special check-in activity. I’ve got to wrap up a round of edits on a big Etsy project I’m working on. I have to follow up on emails and onboard a new client. And finally, I’ve got to get my head in the game for a last-minute talk I was asked to give at Mogo which I am so excited about! Oh, and did I mention that my bestie arrives tomorrow from New York? So I also have to get my apartment ready for her.

When I sat down at my computer and opened this tab, my fingers were itching to open my Asana task list, my email, and my calendar. I wanted to get to work, A$AP Rocky. I wanted to skip over the writing, and not do my meditation, and retroactively not sleep in this morning. I wanted to use this very convenient loophole (“I have so much to do!! I’m sick!!”) to “get out of” the habits that I know most help me stay calm and sane, especially during stressful times.

But I’m glad I slept in a bit, because my horrible head cold finally feels like it’s on its last legs. And I’m glad I meditated, because my days are always worse without it. And I’m glad I’m writing this, because it’s helping me process my thoughts, be more mindful, and notice my negative thought patterns.

It occurs to me that my real work on this planet is learning to manage my own mind. The real work is not all the nagging tasks I do every day, measured in my productive output and financial success. The real work is measured by how positive my self-talk is, and how disciplined I am in my self-care, and how much energy and connection I feel on a daily basis.

The real work is not letting resistance win, is breaking through those upper limits, is coaching yourself through painful moments, is staying grounded and connected to yourself through thick and thin. The real work is scheduling in your non-negotiables, and saying no to people/places/things that drain you, and listening to your body, even when it’s inconvenient.

Seen that way, there’s nothing more important than what I’m writing right now. There’s nothing more important than taking care of the instrument that is me, in any & every way I know how. Tasks and projects may come and go, but the real work is forever. 

Last night at my mastermind group we had a lot of interesting discussions, as we always do. We talked a lot about our own perfectionism and how we get stuck sometimes, wanting to make each thing we do the best it can possibly be. It’s an impossible goal, so instead we do nothing.

At one point, I remember saying “nothing exists in a vacuum”. What I meant was we’re so lucky that most of the time, we’re not being judged on just one tiny example of our work, by itself, all alone. Most of the time, creative work is consumed in some kind of context: it’s recommended by a friend, it’s positioned on a beautiful website, it’s consumed alongside other pieces, or it comes with a personal relationship to the artist. All of these factors affect how we experience any form of creative expression. And I think they also take the pressure off – a little bit! – for us to need to get it exactly right, every time.

There’s this other phrase I love that says “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” Elise Cripe used to say it all the time on her blog, whether it was about photos in a grid or squares of a quilt or days of a creative project. Even her daily habit tracker aligns with this idea. Caroline Kelso has talked about how she realized this while doing her Abstract Affirmations Daily challenge. There wasn’t time to get hung up on any one piece, because she had to make a brand new one the very next day.

In the end, I think it’s a relief to remember that there’s power in numbers. What matters is showing up repeatedly and trying your hardest each time, while fully owning that some of the parts will end up being “worse” than others. Knowing that there’s a “sum” to our work helps us relax, and more importantly, it helps us stay in the game.

This weekend, I was lucky enough to be invited up to a friend’s family cottage with two other good friends of mine. We didn’t much know what to expect, but it turned out to be right on a quiet lake, surrounded by trees, with a big dock for sunning and reading. We took turns cooking the meals and washing the dishes, we spent long hours alternating between swimming and tanning, and we had some great heart-to-hearts. Basically, it was perfect.

Last week was busy, especially leading up to leaving for the weekend on Friday afternoon. I’d had a corporate workshop, lots of client calls, and was running around like a headless chicken trying to do laundry and pack and tie up loose ends at work. I was tired, and I’d gotten a terrible head cold (which I still have, by the way), and was thisclose to bowing out of the weekend in order to stay put and watch the rest of Stranger Things.

I’m so happy that I didn’t, head cold be damned. There’s nowhere I’d rather have been than right on the water surrounded by my friends, soaking up the sun and good vibes. But it reminds me that my tendency may always be to skip it, or opt out, or say “maybe next time”, or rain check. I may always struggle with getting overwhelmed and thinking that what I need is to be alone in my apartment for days. Sometimes that’s exactly what I need, but not always and not often.

Usually, what I need is to connect with people who care about me, to spend time outside, to read quietly, and to try new things. These are what energize me, make me feel alive, give me the most joy. This weekend proved that it’s worth it to override my tendency to stay in my comfort zone. It’s worth it to make the effort. I’m so glad I did.