Observations

Yesterday night, I was in a bit of a funk. I had a stomach ache and my mood was low, and all I wanted to do was sit around and binge The Good Place (which I did, for most of the night).

At one point while I was cooking dinner, I was listening to a video from a new-to-me channel, Lavendaire. In it, she talked about making a list of all the activities you could do that would make you feel proud of yourself. Not the things that would make you feel happy, the ones that would make you feel proud. She goes on to say that the things that will make us feel proud of ourselves usually take quite a bit more effort and intention than things that will make us happy.

This feels similar to the distinction between self-care and self-indulgence. True self-care might take more effort, but it is ultimately more effective for our wellbeing and our confidence in the long run than giving ourselves every little thing we think we might want or “deserve”. 

It also reminded me of my Super Seven habits (now 8! I added flossing), an idea borrowed from Amy Young.  Most days, I don’t do all eight activities, but I’ve implemented a rule with myself that I can’t complain about my life or whine about my mood unless I’ve done at least 5/8 activities on my list. They are incredibly effective!

Self-care can sometimes feel so hard and overwhelming to me. I’m constantly questioning whether I’m “doing it right” and fretting about why I still have ups and downs in my mood. Even though on The Life Coach School podcast they talk all the time about life being 50/50 positive and negative emotion, no matter how successful you become, there’s still part of me that can’t internalize that idea.

But it feels easier to reach for the feeling of pride in myself. I know what that looks like. I know how that feels in my body. I know what I could do, by the end of today, to feel more proud of myself. It’s a subtle shift, but one that feels intrinsically more motivating to me to work towards. What would make me feel proud of myself today?

Feeling like you need the exact right equipment before you can start is a form of procrastination. Feeling like you need to be better before you can start is a form of procrastination. Feeling like you can’t start until you read this one perfect book that will change your life is a form of procrastination.

The only way to get better at something is to practice. The only way to practice is to start. You’ll probably have to start much smaller than you would like. It probably won’t be as good as you would like. It will take a long time, and a lot of practice, before your work feels like it’s “up to snuff”.

But unless you start, you won’t get better. As Ramit Sethi talks about in this episode: “I left up my first YouTube video to show you that that’s how it starts. I practiced a lot from then until now. The best way to get better is to start doing.”

As Ira Glass says: “It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions.”

What little tiny way could you start right now. What could you do today? With the equipment you have, with the skills you have, with the knowledge you have? Chances are, you could do a lot more than you think.

This week I was thinking: maybe I should start a YouTube channel and create videos for my business! But what camera would I need? Do I need a mic? Where would I film? So I pushed it off into the uncertain future, to a time when I would miraculously have all the skills I need to get started.

And then I realized: I have a camera that records video. It’s not perfect, but it does it. And I have a mic. And I could probably set up a cute-ish background in my office. And I could probably start tomorrow. 

The time is now, y’all. Just start. 

For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to implement a weekly admin day, usually on Sunday or Monday. This is a concept I borrowed from Muchelle B, who explains her weekly routine here.

The idea is simple: take a few hours once a week to capture any nagging tasks, check your calendar for the next week, do some cleaning of your apartment, etc. Because I’m such an Asana lover, I input these as subtasks into a weekly recurring task called “Weekly Admin Day”. That way I don’t forget! It’s been working really well so far.

My favourite part of this routine is the brain dump section. It’s exactly what it sounds like – you think through each area of your life and write down anything that comes to mind that you want to fix, do, or plan. Some of the items will be tiny things, others big, but it’s so reassuring and helpful to have it all captured in one place. Then, as part of the weekly admin day, you actually go through the list and do any of the tiny things you could do immediately without leaving your house.

This does a few things: first, it clears out my brain. I no longer have to feel responsible for holding onto all those little thoughts, because they’re written down for me to see. Second, it makes things into action items rather than worries. If I can see it, I can probably do something about it.

It’s so reassuring and satisfying to go down the list and “cross off” anything I’ve done using a highlighter (I always do this, I think I got it from Elise Cripe). I’ve noticed that so many things seem to happen naturally, on their own, over the course of the week. Others I do actively, but none of it ends up feeling like a very big deal.

This morning I woke up with a lot of little things on my mind, which were distracting and nagging at me. So I started a new brain dump list! Only a few things written down and I’m feeling better already. 

The thing about putting yourself out there on the internet is that you rarely hear back from anyone about it. And it makes sense: the world has become so crowded with content and noise and information that any one single blog post or Instagram story is unlikely to make a big impact. People have so much to scroll through that it would be impossible for them to comment on every single thing they engaged with online (although wouldn’t that be a cool life experiment?). And trust me, I am just as guilty of this! I scroll past tons of things in a day without a single interaction. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

But it does make it so that as a creator online, for the most part, you don’t get much feedback – at least until you hit a critical tipping point. I remember once on The Joy the Baker podcast (RIP) they talked about how for every one comment you get, there are probably 20 people who read what you wrote, enjoyed it, and didn’t comment. I think when you see someone getting oodles of engagement online, it’s still a 20:1 ratio of views to comments, except they have WAY more views to start with.

The thing is, you never know who is watching. You never know who is listening. You never know what they’re thinking.  Maybe something you shared has gone on to have a tremendous impact on the way someone sees the world! Maybe someone has learned from you and taught that concept to others.

Yesterday I got this beautiful text from a friend of mine who said she’d listened to an episode of my podcast and it had resonated with her, she said it felt like a warm hug. She said it made her remember that we all experience hard things and we’re all connected. How nice is that?

Maybe she’s listened to other episodes, and I never even knew. Maybe she’s had thoughts about them, but I could never have guessed. But had I stopped sharing, because I thought “Nobody is listening or having any thoughts about this,” I never would have created the thing that she needed to hear at exactly the right time. (Note: I did stop making the podcast temporarily, but it will be back!)

The point is: you can’t stop just because you’re not getting the feedback you want. The point is: intrinsic motivation is so important. The point is: your work matters, and is having an impact RIGHT NOW, right AS WE SPEAK, and someone is not telling you. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. It means that it is counting without your conscious awareness. And until you become aware of your work’s impact (and even afterwards), your only job is to keep showing up because you want to, because it makes your soul happy, and because it’s what feels right.