Life Lessons – Page 8 – Life In Limbo

2015 In Review

December 29, 2015

I love to take some time at the end of the year to reflect on and appreciate all the wonderful things I was lucky enough to experience in just one 12-month period. I think it’s easy to go through your daily life feeling like not much is changing, or that you’re somehow not doing enough on an everyday basis, but I find that when you look back and take the long view, it’s easier to acknowledge how much you’ve grown and accomplished and created.

In years past I’ve usually just done a short recap of the year here on the blog, but this year, I thought it would be fun to write the highlights of each month.

January:

I rang in the New Year on a beach on Boracay Island in the Philippines, with a delicious custom vegetarian 4-course dinner prepared by a local chef, followed by champagne with our toes in the sand, loads of fireworks, and dancing. It was raining a little, but we had a great time. Heading home to (beautiful) Busan after that was a bit of a drag, but exciting because I only had a couple short months left in Korea before my travels. I also got laser eye surgery in late January, which is probably the best investment I’ve ever made.

February + March:

The next two months were a whirlwind of activity in which most of my spare time was spent visiting my favourite places and restaurants in Busan, saying goodbye to friends, packing up my apartment, getting vaccinations and submitting visa paperwork. I also spent a fair number of nights after work watching Gilmore Girls, researching travel destinations and going out for amazing Korean food.

April:

I left Busan on March 31st, and kicked the month off with a bang by heading straight to Laos. I had almost two weeks in the country by myself, and it was wonderful. I spent my birthday swimming solo underneath a crystal-clear waterfall, watched a lot of sunsets, had (several) drinks at the best riverside bar, made a few friends, and settled back into the travelling lifestyle.

Midway through April, I flew to Chiang Mai to meet up with two of my good friends from Korea, and to pick my sister up from the airport! We celebrated a very wet and wild Songkran together, went to visit a beautiful elephant sanctuary, travelled up to Pai to rent scooters and explore waterfalls, headed to Bangkok for a couple days of temple-hopping and then took a night bus down to Koh Tao. Once on the island, my sister and I watched every sunset, had lots of Leo beers, ate a lot of delicious food, played gin rummy, and slept in a little cabin only steps from the beach. In the daytime I also took my Open Water Diver scuba diving course!

May:

I spent most of May in Vietnam with my friend Katie. We went from North to South, spending our time in Ha Long Bay in a teeny tiny fishing village; playing guitar, singing, and drinking beer bowls in a little bar on a little boat in Hoi An; going canyoning in Da Lat; and having drinks in fancy rooftop bars in Saigon. It was such a incredibly good time.

Then we went back to Thailand and headed down to the lesser-known Thai islands of Koh Chang and finally, Koh Mak (aka Paradise). It was such a gorgeous way to finish off my two months in South East Asia.

June:

This was a special time of the year for me, because I started my yoga teacher training in northern India. I got to learn a ton of amazing new ideas from my teachers and friends, feel inspired, and challenge myself in every way: physically, emotionally, and mentally. I also met my boyfriend the very first day of our training, and instantly connected with him.

July:

We spent June and July practicing hard every day: 4+ hours of physical practice, 2 hours of lectures, and at least another couple hours for homework and self-practice. Any time we had left over we spent exploring our little town of Ram Jhula, trying out nearby restaurants, and of course falling in love. In late July, I flew home to Canada and he stayed on to do his 300-hour teacher training.

August:

I had such a lovely time being home – finally, after a year and a half!! – with my family and friends. What stands out to me the most were the simple moments with them: the dinners, the campfires, playing bocce ball, reading outside on a deck chair, going for hikes, and playing with the cat. There were also several wonderful weekends spent with my wonderful friends downtown Toronto. I have the best friends, who take me to great places and give me couch to sleep on and welcome me – always – with open arms.

September:

One fun thing I did in September was fly down to NYC to visit my friend Katie. She was living in Brooklyn at the time, and we spent a week laughing our heads off and eating a ton of delicious food. On the days she had to work, I spent my time puttering around Manhattan, exploring Central Park, looking at pretty houses, window shopping, and having my first New York bagel (verdict: insanely good). On the weekend we hit up Smorgasburg, a food truck festival held every weekend in Williamsburg during the summer, and headed out to Long Island to stay with her family, go hiking by the water, (quickly) drive through the abandoned psychiatric institute and eat awesome pizza.

On the second-to-last day of September, I moved to Quito, Ecuador, to see about a boy.

October:

More specifically, I moved to Quito to be with my boyfriend. We moved into a sunny apartment together in the Northern part of the city and started our relationship for real. It’s definitely at times been an adjustment for me to go from Single Girl Living Alone and Travelling The World Independently to Girl Living With a Boy in a Foreign Country in just a matter of months, but overall it’s been wonderful.

Highlights of October were when we launched yoga in the park, made Canadian Thanksgiving, and did a 10 day juice detox.

November:

After the initial rush of getting to know the city and being tourists, we tried to settle into some routines, baked a lot of bread, went to see a really fun South American soccer game, and visited a lake in the crater of a volcano. I also learned a lot of Spanish, got to know Paulo’s family, and walked in the park every day.

December:

The first half of the month included early Christmas parties and one drawn-out (but ultimately successful!) visa application. On the 15th, we came back together to visit my family at home in Canada for the holidays! We’re still here at the time of this writing and it’s been such a lovely trip so far.

I feel so blessed to have so much love and adventure in my life and am manifesting more of the same for 2016.

Goals & Intentions

1. Read 75 books: ?

I achieved my very favourite goal of the year! I made it by the skin of my teeth, and by reading a few short books in the last few weeks. For me, the point of reading books is to learn new ideas, and since sometimes short books can be the most powerful and chock-full of ideas, for me they count. I think audio books are great for the same reason.

I know 75 seems like a ton of books to read – so much so, I’ve caught myself sometimes sharing the number sheepishly or quietly, like I’m embarrassed. But the truth is? It’s not that many books. It’s a little under one and a half books every seven days. And if I prioritize reading, I personally really can achieve that without much fuss. Reading is one of the great loves of my life, and it makes me a better person, so this goal merely reminds me to prioritize something I love to do.

2. Learn to speak Spanish conversationally: ?

This goal almost takes my breath away. In my blog post where I set these goals, I wrote: “I’m hoping to find someone to practice speaking with (or even just write poorly-written letters to!) so that I can improve even more.” I then proceeded to do nothing about finding someone to speak Spanish with, until I arrived in Rishikesh, India, and met a quiet man with an awesome smile who was born and raised in Ecuador. I now live with that man in Quito, and we speak Spanish (more or less conversationally!) every single day.

When I first arrived in Ecuador at the end of September, my conversations with his non-English-speaking parents mainly consisted of “hola” and “gracias”. Today, I’m proud to say that I can carry on conversations with all his family members by myself with little to no help. When I set this goal last year it was a little random and I had no idea if I’d really accomplish it, but now it’s so special and I’m so grateful.

3. Meditate daily: 228/365 = 62% = ?

Sixty percent to me means that I didn’t fail at this goal – I did it for more than half of the year! That is a huge accomplishment, because I’m sure my numbers for the year before were more like 10% of the time, if that. The best part is, in the past couple of months I’ve really felt my practice start to become a habit. I’m resenting it less, enjoying it more, and I really feel like I’m getting more out of it. Not only that, but I truly notice the days that I skip my meditation.

I’m currently doing 10 minutes per day in the morning, and I usually do a simple counting meditation where I count my breaths up to ten, and then start again at one.

4. Keep a gratitude journal: 365/365 = 100% = ?

Every single day this year, I wrote down at least ten things I was grateful for. Every single day. Sometimes I didn’t get a chance to write in my journal the same day – in fact, I usually do it first thing in the morning for the day before – but I always took the time to reflect on the day in question and remember all the good things about it.

This practice hasn’t seemed to change my life in huge, monumental ways, but I still feel like it’s increasing my positivity and starting or ending my days with the right perspective. I think the next step for this practice for me is to read a random page from a month or two back after I’ve finished writing for the given day. Reflecting on the good things in my life in a more overarching way will probably bring more life and joy to this habit. I have no plans to stop gratitude journaling!

5. Move: 290/365 = 80% = ?

I’ll gladly take an 81% – until writing this post, I hadn’t ever counted up my days missed on my goal trackers for any of my goals, so seeing the concrete numbers is so exciting and in a way, such a relief. What I love most about tracking daily goals is taking the long view and reviewing the year as a whole. Each day that I’m not able to check off at the time feels crummy, but when I look back over my efforts for the year, it feels awesome. “Move” to me meant intentionally moving, something like going for a walk or doing a yoga practice that fell outside of my normal day-to-day activities. There were days that I walked around a shopping mall but couldn’t in good faith give myself a check mark because it wasn’t a) a lot of movement, really, and b) intentional.

It’s totally great to see that the vast majority of my days, I intentionally moved.

6. Floss daily (bonus goal!): 138/138 = 100%

This goal wasn’t on my list at the start of the new year, but I added it in August after reading Better Than Before and figuring out that I’m a Questioner. Since I figured out how best to implement this goal for me (lots of compelling reasons, a good handle on the right technique to use, and a set time of day) I haven’t missed a single day. And honestly, flossing has been one of my favourite habits of this year. (#nerd)

My Word of the Year: Grace

I found that grace didn’t resonate with me as much as my 2014 word abundance did. I was less certain of how to embody it and I didn’t get as many cosmic reminders about it, but it was still a powerful word. It showed up in the names of the women I donated to on Kiva, on book covers, as the last unit in an online course, in dozens of podcast episodes, and of course in my mind whenever I tried to be the very best version of myself I could be.

As I looked back on the year, I realized that one thing that was missing was reflection on my word. When abundance was my word, I wrote a couple blog posts (see them here and here) about the ways abundance had influenced me and come up in my life. Remembering to notice and record my word was proportional to how much I got out of it. I’ll be keeping this idea in mind for 2016’s word.

***

It feels good to be wrapping up one year and looking ahead to the next. Every new year seems so full of possibility and hope, and it’s always nice to have a fresh start. I’m so excited to start making progress on new goals.

If you’re curious, you can see more of my year-end reviews here:

2014 | 2013 | 2012 | 2011

10 Lessons From 10 Days of Juicing

November 9, 2015

Last week, I finished a ten day juice cleanse. Ten days! We’re going to record an episode of the podcast all about my experience and motivations, so stay tuned for that in a couple of weeks if you want more information. Today, I just wanted to share my takeaways from this experience, in case you’re thinking of doing something similar.

1. It’s not that hard to drink only juice, I just really like to eat

Truly, I didn’t find it that hard. Sure, it was tedious to clean out the juicer or blender (usually both) every couple of hours, and yes, it was certainly annoying to be around grocery stores and restaurants. But those were mostly mental annoyances more than physical ones. I didn’t have any really strong cravings at any point during our detox, but I did spend a lot of time lovingly thinking about food – all the while not truly wanting to break my fast and eat any! It was kind of a weird paradox because while I wasn’t very hungry and felt pretty satisfied despite being on a liquid diet, I just sort of missed food.

We had so much variety in our juicing plan, both over a single day and throughout the ten days. We used so many different kinds of fruits and vegetables that the juices were never really boring – merely the act of drinking only juice was boring.

Basically, I was reminded that I like balance in my life. I don’t like restricting myself from doing or eating something, because if I do, I’ll simply want it more. I’m a moderator, not an abstainer.

2. Beware bad moods caused by physical things

The first five days of the fast, I was very irritable. The last few, I felt light, a bit clearer and even less reactive. But in those first days, I was not my best self and neither was my boyfriend. We tried to make it easier on ourselves by not leaving the house very much, so that we could relax and be quiet, but still we had our moments of stress and annoyance. We came up with a little system to use whenever we’re feeling angry to check in with ourselves and see whether it’s being caused by hunger, anxiety, hormones or fatigue. If so, time for some space. I really believe the majority of my “issues” come up at times when I’m physically overwhelmed or out-of-sorts, so recognizing that what I’m feeling might not even be a real problem is so key for me.

3. I am stronger than I think

During our fast, I both taught and took yoga classes, went for hikes and for walks, did my hobbies, and performed all of my regular everyday activities. While I never really experienced that “huge burst of energy” that people who do juice cleanses talk about, I found that I was able to do much more than I thought I’d be able to. And even though I had some issues with focus and headaches in the first few days, I did experience more clarity and energy in the last few days. I was able to be creative and keep up with all my work without any problems. This is a good reminder that I am capable and strong and can work with what I have. (And so are you!)

4. Community is so important

I think my boyfriend’s support and participation were huge factors in my success in completing this cleanse. Not only did he make the majority of the juices and smoothies (don’t worry, I cleaned it all up), just having him totally on board, without wavering, made it that much easier for me to stick to it. We also told his whole family what we were going to do, so they were able to support us and not tempt us too much with food. His mom even did a few days of juicing and eating lightly in the evenings, which was so great. Having everyone’s support made it so easy to stay with it.

5. Listen to your body

I’ve learned this lesson about a hundred times in my life, but it never stops being important. During the detox we sometimes went to bed at 9, we sometimes slept in, I taught gentler yoga classes than usual, and we stayed at home as much as we could. A couple times, we took a big hike because we wanted to be outside and active, but took it gently and only went as far as what felt good. We really went with how we were feeling physically, and let that guide us as much as possible. We are lucky enough to work mostly from home, so we were able to change our schedules to match our energy levels.

6. No expectations

This is another lesson I feel I’m constantly learning, but it applies here too. We were inspired to try this cleanse after watching Fat Sick and Nearly Dead, and motivated by the results that the people in the documentary experienced. We weren’t doing it to lose weight, although we did. Instead it was more of an experiment in trying to detoxify our bodies. I was mostly excited about experiencing that big spurt of energy, and having more focus and clarity. I was also just curious to see if I could really do it, and what it would be like. I didn’t think I had many expectations going into it, but I can admit that I was often comparing how I felt to how I thought I was going to feel by Day ___. It’s an excellent reminder that I should work to minimize my expectations and just be grateful for whatever comes.

7. Do things just to see

You never know until you try, right? Pushing myself to try new things, just because, is such a wonderful way to help myself see the world in a different light. This juice cleanse sparked many conversations, it brought me closer to my partner, and it taught me more about myself. Not to mention, it was an experience! Any experience can be full of so much learning and growing, especially those experiences that are kind of out of the ordinary. Doing this cleanse seemed an idea that was a little crazy but a little fun and in fact, it was a lot of both. I probably won’t do it again, at least not for 10 days, but I’m very glad I did it once.

8. Live in an atmosphere of growth and experimenting

Similar to #7, I am learning that I want to live my life with an open mind, an open heart, and a lot of curiosity. I want my environment to be full of that kind of energy too. It’s only by living with that mindset that I even thought about trying this detox, and it’s only with light-heartedness, curiosity, and sense of playfulness that I could follow through with it. Really, it was an experiment to see what would happen and to see what I would discover. Doing this cleanse reminded me that curious people are the kind of people I love, and that a curious life is the kind of life I want to live.

9. You can do anything you put your mind to

Simple, but important: finishing things feels good. Doing the things you say you’re going to do feels good. Being the kind of person who lives by her values feels really good. I really believe that building confidence comes from doing things that you’re proud of, things that remind you of who you are. Following through builds confidence. Even if what you’re doing is as simple (or as tricky) as a 10 day juice cleanse, the self-esteem you can build from completing even simple actions can be very real and very healthy.

10. Goals are great

I don’t think that goals are great if you pursue them at all costs, or if they’re not really in line with your values, but making goals from a light-hearted, loving place can be so powerful. My birthday lists are just for fun and for growth. They’re an opportunity for me to push myself, try new things and learn new skills. And consistently, the things I complete from my birthday lists turn out to be some of my best memories from that year of my life. They’re the things I look back on the most fondly, or the things I am most proud of. I want to remember to never stop setting these kinds of goals for myself.

***

Surprisingly, I learned or was reminded of a lot of great lessons during this experience. I know it seems like a bit of an intense thing to do just out of curiosity, let alone stick to it, but I always learn a lot in doing these crazy and interesting things.

This detox was a goal from my list of 25 things I want to do before I turn 25. See the rest of the list here.

Thoughts on Coconut Milk

October 5, 2015

Coconut Milk >> Life In Limbo

On Friday night, my boyfriend and I made coconut milk, from scratch, in our kitchen with its beautiful view. In many ways, this moment was exactly what I’d been craving for the last few months: having a home of my own, hanging out with this wonderful person, being domestic, eating fresh homemade food, laughing in the kitchen and listening to good music.

At the same time, I think it was an important lesson for me in getting what you want. A friend once reminded me that a year living abroad somewhere fabulous and exotic is still just a year of your life, and I believe that to be absolutely true. Any adventure is still full of ups and downs, and plenty of moments when you’re stuck in your head and your back is aching and you can’t figure out why you feel so tired all the time.

This recent Ecuadorean adventure has already been so wonderful. I have more love in my life, our space makes me feel peaceful and calm, and I feel supported by an awesome human being. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean my anxiety about the future has disappeared like I so hoped it would, or that I’ve stopped comparing myself to others, or that I don’t almost always feel like I should be doing something more, creating something beautiful, or making something better. In other words: wherever you go, there you and all your anxieties are.

I’m constantly trying to learn how to live a good, rich and satisfying life. So far I know that having such a life means writing your own story (not comparing yourself to others), doing the work that fills you up (not the work that makes the most money or that makes your family the happiest), and cultivating relationships that bring you joy and a chance for personal growth. I’ve learned that it means trying to bring more peace, stillness and fulfillment into every decision and interaction in your life. I know it means getting vulnerable, staying present, practicing gratitude, and working to create beautiful things.

It doesn’t mean that everything will always be easy all the time. It doesn’t mean that you’ll always remember that in this moment, nothing is actually wrong. It doesn’t mean that you won’t ever get worried, or doubt yourself, or feel panicked or confused sometimes. It just means you have to do the work to try and space those moments further apart, and do your best to bounce back from them more quickly.

Coconut Milk >> Life In Limbo

So what does this have to do with coconut milk?

Well, like the pursuit to live your best and most beautiful life, making homemade coconut milk is a true labour of love. You have to lug home some heavy coconuts that will dance around in the trunk of your car. You have to split them open using your hands, a knife and a lot of grit. You have to make a mess. You have to use a butter knife, or a screwdriver, or your fingernails to prise the coconut meat away from its skin. You have to chop it up finely, add the coconut water and some boiling water and overheat your blender by running it for five or more minutes. Then you have to squeeze and strain the pulp by hand until you get your milk.

Also, it takes forever.

Coconut Milk >> Life In Limbo

But, just like the journey to becoming a better and happier human being, the results are totally worth it. Homemade coconut milk, it turns out, is absolutely gorgeous. It’s so creamy it coats the glass, it tastes exactly like fresh coconuts (duh), and it goes well with everything. So far we’ve drunk it straight, mixed it with granola, added it to morning smoothies, and frozen it into ice cubes to save for later. If you’d like to try making your own coconut milk, we followed this recipe to excellent results.

Coconut Milk >> Life In Limbo

As I write this, I’m drinking a glass of our coconut milk, looking out the window and feeling at peace. The writing always helps. Why do I always forget that the writing always helps? New situations are almost always scary and exciting, beautiful and challenging, tiring and invigorating, peaceful and mildly chaotic. It can be stressful to find your groove again, to create a new routine, and to stay humble and aware and grateful amidst all of the change. But then again, that’s our beautiful lifelong labour of love and we are really very lucky to be living it.

On Yoga School

July 13, 2015

It is difficult to put my experience here in India at yoga school into words but I’ll try:

Painful. Tiring. Hot. Flies. Inspiring. Cows. Mountains. Rain. Enlightening. Humbling. Gratifying. Love. Car horns. Beautiful. Tough. Rewarding. Terrifying. Meaningful. Simple. Complicated. Frustrating. Wonderful.

Every day I went to classes and talked to friends and teachers and friends who were my teachers (and teachers who were my friends) and got filled up to the brim with wisdom and information, almost like taking a jug to a tap of cold water and letting it fill to overflowing. Every night, or every night that I wasn’t too exhausted, I sat on my bed with my coloured pens and tried to write it all down so that it wouldn’t slip away.

Now six weeks later I have a little book full of quotes and lessons and messages from the universe. I have stronger and more flexible muscles. I have a stronger and more flexible mind. I feel quieter. A friend in the course told me on our last day that she’d seen a subtle shift in me over the weeks, that I seemed to have softened – I feel that too, slightly. Most of all though, I feel humbled. I am sure that I know so much less than I thought and much less than I want to know. I am also sure I have much more work to do than I thought on myself and my behaviours with others. I am ready to keep trying my best, forever and ever.

So I’m officially a yoga teacher now, but I feel more like a yoga student than I did when I arrived. I don’t feel ready to teach classes, but I simultaneously feel excited to share what I’ve learned. More than anything, I feel ready for the next stage in this great safe beautiful adventure that is my life.

The picture at the top is one of those pages on which I tried to carefully record all the wisdom from my day. I chose to share it because it seems to contain some of the biggest lessons that kept coming up for me throughout the course.

Namaste, everyone!

And thanks as always for your love and patience while I took a little long sabbatical from the blog. It always seems to call me back at exactly the right time for me. Thanks for reading!