Life Lessons – Page 7 – Life In Limbo

My Next Big Adventure

August 30, 2016

The last few months have been a whirlwind for me. Even the last week alone has been a blur as I, yet again, choose to make over my life.

Ever since I graduated from university I’ve been finding my way, one little piece at a time. There have been so many moments over the last few years when I didn’t know what life would look like even three months down the line. Times when I didn’t know where I’d be living, how I’d be making money, or where in the world – literally – I’d be.

My trajectory has bounced across several countries and time zones and I’ve had so many adventures that seem surreal when I look back on them now. I’ve been so unbelievably lucky, and I’ve also made my own luck. I’ve taken risks and gained friendship and love and more confidence in myself than I knew I was capable of.

There’s a Steve Jobs quote I love that I feel applies here (and to all of us, always):

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”

And one from Cheryl Strayed, which is tattooed on my heart:

“Let whatever mysterious starlight that guided you this far, guide you onward into whatever crazy beauty awaits.”

I wrote a post that included that second quote on the day I finished university. I had no idea how much crazy beauty awaited me then, and truthfully I still don’t now. All I know is that Steve & Cheryl are absolutely, 100% right. I can only connect the dots looking backwards, and some mysterious starlight is absolutely guiding me onward.

Last week, I chose to end my relationship and move to Toronto. These were two big, scary decisions that I agonized over for weeks beforehand, for lots of personal, complicated reasons. But they were beautiful decisions too, made with love and care and a sense of abundance.

The last time I lived on my own in Canada, it was in a sweet, colourful apartment in Montreal that I filled with projects and good food and friends and plenty of love and cake. That apartment was magic, and I still miss it sometimes. At the time though, I got restless and I wanted to see the world, so I packed it all away and started my adventures.

Three years later, and I’m ready for another kind of adventure – building a life and a home for myself near all my loved ones. I’m happy to say that I now know where I’ll be living three months from now and beyond, and that feels really good. I keep getting excited about tiny little things like coming home for the weekend, or exploring bulk grocery stores in my neighbourhood, or how far of a walk it’ll be to the beach (15 minutes! Hallelujah!).

All this to say: I’m trying to trust. I’m trying to let go. I’m trying to let things feel easy. I’m trying to have an open mind and an open heart. I’m trying to enjoy each moment as it comes and be grateful. If I have learned anything over the past few years, it is this.

PS. Somehow over the past few months I had forgotten that my word of the year was light. I love that I could remember it here, now, and that it came back to me in such a beautiful way.

Looking For the Light: February

February 25, 2016

One of my favourite moments this month was hosting my boyfriend’s family for dinner one Wednesday night. I made a yummy frittata and a simple salad with homemade vinaigrette and brownies for dessert. Everyone loved everything, but that wasn’t what made me so happy about the night. It was more of this wonderful feeling – a quiet feeling of total contentment, of feeling centered and settled, and of feeling like I can make beautiful, lovely things happen for myself and for the people I care about.

At one point I asked my boyfriend, concerned, if he thought there had been enough food for everyone. He replied by saying that it had been a light meal, just right for that evening. He said, “See! You’re bringing light to them.”

In his perfectly imperfect English, he was making a play on words. A light meal, meaning the food was not too heavy. But also, a light meal, meaning happy and easy and just plain nice for everyone involved. Not too much, not too little, just enough and just right.

…

Looking For the Light: FebruaryRead More »

How to Use The Airport Test to Make Better Decisions

February 10, 2016

Yesterday I listened to an episode of The Lively Show interviewing Pat Flynn. One moment from the interview really stood out to me – in fact, it literally made me stop in my tracks, turn off the episode, get out my notebook and write down my thoughts.

Pat has just written a new book called Will It Fly?, which is about testing out your business ideas to see whether they’ll take off and be successful or never really get off the ground and flop. His techniques are designed to stop you pouring time and money into ideas that aren’t going to work.

One thing I found very interesting about his approach was that he suggests not only market-testing, but self-testing. That is, he’s not only interested in whether a particular idea is a good fit for your audience and the marketplace, but whether it is a good fit for you. In the episode he shared one type of self-test in particular that I found very powerful, called the Airport Test.

Here’s how to do the Airport Test:

1. Imagine that five years from now, you run into an acquaintance at the airport whom you haven’t seen for the past five years. They ask you how things are, and you truthfully respond with, “Things are absolutely amazing! They couldn’t be any better.”

2. Get out a piece of paper and divide it into four sections

2. Write down the four most important areas of your life as headings for each section – for example, family, professional, health and finances.

3. Fill in each section with the ideas that come up for you as you imagine that airport scenario and how it would feel to talk about all the wonderful things happening in your life.

What I love about this exercise is that it includes an emotional component. You have to think about what would make you feel like everything is going beautifully in your life, and that makes it a little easier to imagine what those things might be. I ended up having some insights and ideas that I didn’t even see coming.

I also love that it makes things clearer and it becomes easier to see the bigger picture. You can see what you want the general themes of your life to be, which can help you to decide between various options starting from today. It can help you identify whether a certain job, activity, or relationship is going to get you closer to that vision of the future or steer you further away from it.

Of course, dreams change over time and we should try to stay open to new opportunities and types of growth. I also think it’s important to trust your gut and check in every so often to see if you feel differently. But I think having a guide, even a rough one, to where you want to go can help you make start to make smart, thoughtful decisions right now.

Ps. Here’s another of my very favourite techniques for making better decisions, and how I try to live more intentionally.

Looking For The Light: January

January 28, 2016

Last Sunday, I had a bad day. In the morning, I put my iPad on the bathroom counter, as I do at least three times a day. But this time, I somehow accidentally knocked it down onto the tile floor, and the screen instantly cracked into a spiderweb.

An hour later, I took a loaf pan full of freshly-baked banana bread out of the oven and promptly dropped it onto the kitchen floor, shattering glass absolutely everywhere and cutting up my toe and ankle in the process.

Do you want to guess what my first reaction was both times?

You got it:“What the hell is wrong with me?! I’m such an idiot.”

And I really meant it, I truly felt that way. Those thoughts played on a loop in my head all day: the serious concern that I had some deep, fundamental issue with my coordination, the feelings that I was just clumsy and careless and lazy, and the belief that I don’t deserve nice things.

I felt dark and heavy and unworthy and ashamed. I’m even still kind of ashamed to be writing about it, because somewhere deep down I feel like it’s embarrassing, like it’s something that would only happen to someone deeply troubled or broken in some way.

But I’m realizing that these thoughts that come so easily in dark moments are my limiting beliefs. They’re the unhelpful, untrue, unfounded automatic reactions that hold me back from my joy and my power.

I chose light as my word for 2016, but throughout the past month it’s become very obvious to me that I won’t be able to find the light until I stop dwelling in the dark. Until I find ways to acknowledge my limiting beliefs, bring them to the surface, look at them in the light of day and successfully argue to myself that they’re false. Until I stop listening to every negative feeling I have and allowing it to affect my behaviour instead of questioning its reality. Until I train myself to focus on the positive instead of perseverating about the negative. Until I notice and really unpack all the crazy stories I’m telling myself.

And I’m trying. Every day, I’m trying and learning how to better accomplish these important, lifelong challenges.

Thankfully, despite my mood I still found lots of light that day. My boyfriend picked the glass out of my ankle, sent me for a shower, and cleaned up the entire mess without being asked by the time I was done. I was embarrassed to tell my mom because I was worried that she’d worry about me, but I reached out to a friend who also struggles with anxiety and together we were able to make light of the situation. And then I went out and bought us a new loaf pan – one made of sturdy metal instead of glass.

Later in the day, I spilled flour on the floor and nearly broke the glass container we keep it in. As I was sweeping it up, I realized that I was calling myself an idiot out loud. I took a deep breath, ignored my insistent feelings, and switched the script:

“I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Today’s a bad day, and I made a mistake.”

As Brené Brown puts it, this is the difference between guilt and shame: “I did something bad” vs. “I am bad.”

Choosing to be kind to myself may not have been my first reaction, but I am grateful that I could eventually start to reach for forgiveness, grace, and light.

I created a photo project for the year based on my word: the Looking For The Light Project (#lookingforthelightproject). The wording is important, because I think that’s what I have to do: I have to look for it. As much as I might wish otherwise, it’s not in my nature to simply bask in all the light I have in my life. Maybe one day that’ll change, but for now it’s something I have to go after with my whole heart.

Sources of Light:

An excellent reminder from Elizabeth Gilbert.

I’m taking Ali Edwards’ One Little Word Class to get the most out of my word this year.

I started a Pinterest board full of beautiful quotes about light, and I’m choosing one per week to write into my planner.

I really want to purchase one of these soul mantra talismans or these temporary tattoos that say “Be The Light”.