me

Stephanie Says Hello

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Stephanie Pellett, and I am the girl behind the alias effieboo. Don’t ask me why I’m choosing this random Tuesday to do so, but I think it’s finally time I step out from behind the curtain. Hello! Hi! Here I am!

You might be wondering: why did you have an alias? Well, I started blogging under aliases about 7 years ago, when I opened my first LiveJournal account. I had a fairly embarrassing start in the online world, but those posts can never be traced back to me, thank goodness! I chose to write anonymously because the posts were deeply personal (the boys I liked in Grade 8, my teenage angst, etc) and therefore TOP SECRET. Over the years, aliases stuck because of my mother’s worries about anonymity in this crazy online world – and I agree that privacy is important. Yet the more I wrote and the more I heard positive feedback, the more I was irked that it was anonymous. That nobody knew who I was, and it was hard to connect with them. That my good work was a secret in my “real” life. This feeling has been growing ever since, and I think I’ve finally worked up enough courage to be myself, out loud, online. I’ve finally outgrown the girl that was effieboo.

And while most of my friends and family know of my blog and know that it’s me, the rest of you don’t! So let’s remedy that, shall we? Let’s cut away some of the mystery, and get down to the nitty gritty. You can call me Steph.

  • I have two sisters, a Golden Retriever, two kitties, a Mom and a Dad back home. They’re all beautiful. I live in Montreal, by myself. I miss the family dynamic!
  • My family here primarily consists of my two whip-smart, completely hilarious best friends, and my goofy, supportive and sweet boyfriend.
  • I’m studying Psychology at McGill University. There are a lot of hills around here. Getting to class is a workout.
  • I spend my spare time writing this blog, reading excellent books, cooking, and watching Netflix.
  • I don’t like clubbing, heels, or whiny girls. I like dinners out, boots and long conversations.
  • I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up!
  • Some of my happiest moments of the last year have been getting amazing comments from the wonderful readers of this blog (Gabrielle! Rin! Isabelle! Looking at you here ladies.)

And plenty of other things I can’t think of right now. Because I’m too giddy about “coming out” to y’all, too nervous, too happy. It might sound selfish, but it’s exciting to be able to finally take credit for this blog I’ve created. Re-formatting my resume right now! :)

Thanks again to everyone who reads, and I promise nothing will change on the blog – except it’ll be more transparent and accessible.

The butterflies in my tummy say hello, too!

Stephanie

Closing Time

I’ve been thinking a lot about how things are about to change drastically in my life. I used to dream about this moment: glass of wine in my hand, typing on my very own laptop, preparing to start the grand adventure that is my life at university. But somehow, it doesn’t feel like I thought it would. Not at all. I didn’t think it would be so stressful, so melancholy or so hurtful, to realize that so many different segments of my life are ending, and that my relationships with those I love most are never going to be the same. Ever. I was shelving books yesterday and I realized two things painful: one, I would have to give up my beloved job, and two, I saw a book called ‘Friday Night Dinners’ and realized that never again will I have the kind of relationship with my mom where I’ll come home on a Friday and have dinner with her. I always loved Fridays and even though I almost always went out, I almost always wanted to stay in. Which got me to thinking about how sad I am that I feel like I’ve gone and wasted my youthful years with my family. I haven’t spent as much time with them as I should, I know that. I haven’t always been in the best mood or made the right decisions regarding them. I haven’t been the best friend I could be, or best person, or best sister or daughter or granddaughter. I do try. But life is hard, I’ve found, and I’m still trying desperately to get the hang of it. Conflicting priorities, extenuating circumstances, emotions and hormones all lead me to choices that while not wrong, are not always quite right either.

I realize, obviously, that there is always room for improvement. Of course. And I try to self-assess as much as possible and fix issues outstanding. It’s hard to please everyone, I’ve learned that much. And when it comes down to it, you have to figure out who it is that is most important that you please. I catch myself in bad moods, saying I can’t help feeling how I do. And while that is true, to a point, I can always try harder. My best friend word-vomited that ugly truth last night via text: ‘Ask yourself. Is it really worth it.’  He clearly knows me better than I do, and I can admit that he’s right. It’s not worth it to be in a stupid mood. I can try harder. I don’t have to always be like that. Going forward into life, I need people who will love me no matter what, but also be willing to help me change for the better. I am open to change for the better.

Also in this hullaballoo of stress is entangled many administrative choices. Doctor’s appointments, hair dresser’s, banking information, setting up a credit card, choosing a new phone, finding the best software for my computer, sending in legal documents and forms, signing leases, health card information, going shopping for my dorm room (still exciting, even among the stressful things). There is not only so MUCH to do, there is so little time to do it in, while desperately trying to fit in time with the family, friends, doggie. :)

And all at the same time, I have to stress about my future. Choosing the right courses to be able to enter the program I want, thinking about frosh and how to choose the one that will best represent me, thinking (although much too far in advance) about jobs for the summer, housing for next year and semesters abroad. And all at once, trying not to get overwhelmed and stick to my guns. Making sure I am still representing the person inside of me. Making sure that when I get to school, I am prepared to show the world my true colours, be ready and open to new ideas and people, and making sure I make decisions that truly reflect who I am. Which includes even little things like the phone I choose.

To the outside observer, you might think that I am stressing too much. I know I am. I am overthinking (my tragic flaw, unfortunately), stressing, analyzing, deconstructing. I have so much to do that I am not doing it. Not planning my time so I can spend time with the people I’m going to miss most. I have to try and conquer that.

Over the next couple weeks, I am going to experience some strange things. This will be the last time I sleep in my bed without being somewhat of a stranger. It won’t be my house. My interactions with my family from here on in will be completely different. Soon, I’ll have to be grown up, supporting myself, cooking for myself, working for myself. I am so thankful that I have supportive parents, willing to help me in any way that they can on my journey. I love them to pieces.

As I begin to say goodbye to my current life, I begin to slowly and incrementally get excited for my new one. New address, friends, international contact, amazing people and city. One step closer to my dreams. I couldn’t be happier. Or more terrified.

Scroll to Top